Principia Nova
by gleefulmusings
Summary: When Burt Hummel dies, his eldest son Riley Finn leaves the Hellmouth and returns to Ohio to care for his brothers and sisters. Soon after, he decides his family needs a fresh start and they depart for San Diego. Xander and Cordelia tag along, but the the Powers That Be won't surrender them so easily. A Buffy/Glee/The Fosters crossover.
1. Prodigum Filium

**Author's Note** : I think is rather shortsighted for not allowing multiple crossovers, but whatever. This story is technically a fusion of the _Buffy_ , _Glee_ , and _The Fosters_ fandoms. I've listed it under _Glee_ and _The Fosters_ primarily because only a few _Buffy_ characters will be main protagonists. In terms of time frame, let's say, oh, the ends of Season Five for _Buffy_ and Seasons One of _Glee_ and _The Fosters_. Canonical events beyond that might be mentioned or extrapolated. Oh, warning for gay stuff because I'm me and this is Kurt and people get tetchy if I don't WARN them properly. I'd like to be warned about Kardashians popping up on my Facebook, but alas.

* * *

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

Buffy stared at Riley with hurt and confusion warring on her face. Why was this happening? What had she done wrong? Why had Riley insisted on the entire team being there for what was essentially the Great Dump? A little privacy was warranted here.

She knew her relationship with Riley hadn't been the best of late and she knew she was partly to blame. Before she had come out as the Slayer, so much of her life had to be hidden from him. It was mostly okay; they made due with the time they had. Then her hand had been forced and she'd had to reveal herself.

Ever since, tension had become a third wheel. She knew Riley no longer trusted her absolutely, which she understood; still, she was bothered that he had kept his own secrets and didn't feel the need to apologize for it. Some crap about national security.

Well, she didn't give a rat's ass about national security. Not when it had made a really scary demon robot which had tried to kill her and her friends.

She also knew Riley resented her power, that he wasn't the stronger of them. She'd had enough of macho posturing in her relationship with Angel; she wasn't going to put up with it now. She hadn't chosen to be the Slayer, the decision had been made for her, as had so many decisions in her life. But she had been chosen and decided a while ago that she was going to be the best Slayer she could be, whether Riley liked it or not.

So much had been swept under the rug and Buffy knew she was as much to blame as him. They had convinced themselves they would deal with it later, but they never had and now later had come calling. Each had thought their love was strong enough to get them through this, but maybe it might not be.

Riley blushed and ducked his head. "There's a lot I haven't told you, Buffy, that I haven't told any of you. I was ... I was scared."

"Why?" asked a curious Xander. He was feeling very anxious over whatever was about to happen. Over the course of the last year, Riley had become his best friend, something he had at first resisted, believing it would be a betrayal of Jesse's memory. As much as he loved Buffy, as loyal as he was to her, Riley held a very special place in his heart.

"It would have been used against me."

Buffy and Willow stared as Giles' brain kicked into high gear.

As usual, the first to put the pieces together was Xander.

"By Maggie," he said darkly.

Riley clenched his teeth, jaws flexing, as he gave a sharp nod.

Buffy glowered. She hated that woman. Even in death, her specter haunted them.

"What did she have on you?" Willow asked softly.

"My brothers and sisters," Riley admitted.

Buffy's eyes widened. "What?" This was certainly news to her.

Riley sighed and took a seat on the sofa. "My real name is Riley Hummel. I took my mother's maiden name when I enlisted. I'm from Ohio, not Iowa." He bit his lip. "Two days ago, my father, stepmother, and stepbrother were killed in a car accident. Drunk driver."

Willow gasped as Buffy suppressed a strangled yelp.

"I'm so sorry," Giles whispered.

"Thanks," Riley said tightly. "My birth mother left when I was five. I don't know why and my father never told me. I never saw her again. Two years later, my father remarried a wonderful woman named Suzanne, whom I consider to be my real mother. A year after that, she gave birth to my brother Kurt and sister Quinn."

"Twins?" Xander asked.

Riley nodded. "They're fifteen. The next year, my parents decided to adopt. They wanted another child but were told that, after the twins, she wouldn't be able to get pregnant. They wanted to give a home to a kid who really needed one. They didn't care if it was a boy or a girl."

He took a deep breath. "They applied with agencies in both China and Korea and were approved by each, so they decided to take a chance. They thought Mike and Tina could be regarded as twins, despite their different nationalities, that they would be as close as Kurt and Quinn. Right after they were approved, Mom found out that, somehow, she was pregnant. By the time we got Mike and Tina, she was almost due with Brittany. She went into labor, but ... "

Xander swallowed heavily, his heart hurting for his friend. He looked quickly at Buffy and Willow, each of whom had tears slipping down their cheeks.

"She didn't make it. Brittany was delivered by C-section." He put his head in his hands. "Dad was so amazing. Six kids and he made it work. He owned a chain of auto shops, but was always there for us. We never wanted for anything, especially love. Even though Mom was gone, even though the triplets never knew her, we made sure they knew she loved them."

"Triplets?" Buffy asked quietly.

"Mike, Tina, and Brittany are only weeks apart." He shook his head. "They decided when they were four that three were better than two. They were always a little jealous of how close Kurt and Quinn are, built-in best friends by birth, so they decided to introduce themselves as the Hummel Triplets."

He burst out laughing. "I think part of them just wanted to see the dim, confused look in people's eyes when they told people they were triplets, especially because they don't look anything alike." He pressed his lips tightly together. "They're really great kids."

"And Maggie threatened them," Buffy said, her words a statement and not a question.

He growled. "She did. She wanted her power over me to be absolute, so I would be loyal only to her."

"What a bitch," Willow hissed.

"So you're going back to Ohio," Xander said sadly.

Riley nodded. "I have to. If I don't step up, the kids will be put into foster care, probably separated from each other." He snorted. "There aren't a lot of foster families in Lima willing to take in one teenager, let alone five, and I'm honestly scared of what Kurt and Quinn would do if they were forcibly separated."

Giles slowly crossed the room and put a strong hand on Riley's shoulder. "Five children is a great deal of responsibility for such a young man to assume. I completely understand and even applaud you for wanting to do this, but what about the practicalities? What about money?"

Riley waved him off. "Money isn't a concern. Mom was the only child of an old French family who had more money than they could ever count. After she died, it all passed to Kurt, including the title, as he's the firstborn and first male heir. He and Quinn are too young to inherit their trusts, so I'll oversee them until they're of age."

Giles nodded. "Well, that's sorted, but still, Riley, this is a huge undertaking for you. I'm concerned. Of course we'll miss you and we understand your decision, but we can't help but worry."

"I can't bring them here, Giles. It's too much. I worry about Dawn every minute she's out of our sight. I'd go crazy with my siblings on the Hellmouth."

Buffy understood. Her fear for her sister was omnipresent.

He sighed. "But I have to get them out of Ohio. It's not safe for them there and they're slowly suffocating."

"Why wouldn't it be safe?" asked a concerned Xander.

"Kurt and Brittany are gay and Tina is bisexual. The comments toward the girls have been ... inappropriate and salacious, but the abuse to which Kurt is subjected is quickly escalating toward physical violence."

"Dear god," Giles muttered, shaking his head.

Willow in particular took this very hard. "You have to get them out of there, Riley."

He nodded. "I know."

Buffy came over and sat down beside him, resting her head upon his shoulder. He immediately wrapped an arm around her. "Where will you go?"

"I was thinking about San Diego. Aside from the earthquakes, California has a lot to offer." He grinned. "Apart from Maggie, I've certainly enjoyed being here."

She gave him a fleeting smile.

"The kids have never been to the beach, never seen the ocean. San Diego is more liberal than a lot of towns and I've found a terrific charter school in which I think the kids would do well. I have a telephone interview scheduled with the Vice Principal in a few weeks. She seems really nice and understanding. The kids are so far ahead in school, I can pull them out now and they won't suffer. They need the time, and I need time with them.

"The new school has a great program in the performance arts. All the kids play instruments and sing, but Kurt is easily the best, and Mike and Brittany are amazing dancers."

"Do you sing?" Buffy asked.

Riley reddened and refused to answer. "Musical education was really important to Mom. Dad was tone deaf, but he could appreciate music and made all of us take lessons to honor her. I'm glad he did."

Buffy knew she couldn't change his mind and really had no interest in doing so. He wasn't leaving because he didn't love her; he was putting his brothers and sisters first, which is exactly what she would do for Dawn. She would miss him horribly, but didn't begrudge his decision. She wasn't that much of a hypocrite.

"What are they like?" she asked quietly.

A huge smile overtook his face as he quickly pulled out his phone and began scrolling through the pictures. Everyone gathered around him.

"This is Quinn. The twins are almost sixteen."

"She's beautiful," said an admiring Buffy.

"She's a cheerleader and kind of the alpha girl of the school. She's extremely smart, slightly manipulative, and can be vicious with her words, but she has a good heart. She loves her family and will fight to the death to protect anything she considers hers. She's been able to keep most of the jocks away from Kurt. They're terrified of her."

Xander's breath hitched. "Cordelia," he whispered.

Willow automatically flinched but Buffy thought the comparison apt.

Riley laughed. "From what you've told me about Cordy, Xan, if anyone is like her, it's Kurt." He flicked his finger, scrolling to the next picture.

"Whoa," Buffy and Willow murmured in appreciation.

Riley looked at the picture fondly. "He's beautiful, isn't he? He hates being called pretty, but he's too, well, _pretty_ to be considered handsome. Kurt is the head cheerleader, a certified mechanic, and is easily the smartest kid I know. He's incredibly devious, but he has a dedication to the truth which can be terrifying in its totality. He says what he thinks, does what he wants, and doesn't care what you think about it or him. It doesn't endear him to many people, but he really couldn't care less."

Xander nodded. "Yep, that's Cordy."

Giles snickered.

"A male Cordelia," said a thoughtful Willow.

"That's actually kind of awesome," said Buffy, nose scrunched up.

"He's the glue that holds us all together," Riley continued. "He's closest to Quinn, but we're all close to him. Sometimes it's like he's the big brother, not me."

"When's the last time you saw them?" Xander asked.

"Far too long," Riley said gruffly. "I didn't go home too often because I know Maggie was having me watched. I didn't want to draw her attention to them any further than it already was."

"Riley," Xander said lowly, "are you sure your father's accident _was_ an accident?"

Buffy and Willow gasped while Giles gave a short nod, suggesting he had been pondering this as well.

Startled, Riley looked up and stared into Xander's eyes. "Maggie's dead."

"But the Initiative isn't."

Riley scowled. "What's the advantage? They already knew I wasn't going to re-up when the time came."

"Maybe it was a warning to keep your mouth shut and your nose to the ground," suggested a hesitant Xander. "Do we really know who's running the Initiative now? With Maggie and Adam gone, what's the mission? Why remain on the Hellmouth?"

Buffy was going to find their new headquarters and kill all of them slowly.

"No," Riley said, grabbing her hand. "Stay away from them, Buffy. Xan's right. We don't know what they're after anymore, but we do know they're aware of all of you, of what you can do."

Xander gave an owlish blink and turned toward his best friend. "Buff, they might know about Angel and Cordy."

Buffy inhaled a sharp breath. "I'll call."

He nodded.

She looked around. "Where's Anya, anyway? And Tara?"

Xander looked away. "Anya is leaving Sunnydale."

"What?" Riley asked. "Why?"

"It doesn't matter," Xander muttered.

Buffy and Riley exchanged a worried glance, but decided not to press. A glare from Buffy kept Giles and Willow silent.

"We're going with you," Xander announced.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"With Riley. To Ohio. We're going with him." He turned to his friend. "Your father just died. You have five kids to take care of. You need help. The Hellmouth is quiet in the summer. We can spare the time."

"You don't have ... "

"Yes, we do," Buffy interrupted. "I want to meet your family, Riley. I also want to pay my respects to the man who's responsible for one of the best people I've ever known."

Riley flushed, his eyes becoming very bright.

* * *

Cordelia stared blankly at the scene before her.

Sure, she had always suspected Angel was just a little bit gay and, hey, Doyle certainly wasn't a surprise, but this was kind of an apocalypse and not the best time for them to be locking lips. If they wanted to be together, she'd happily wave a rainbow flag and be their best hag, but they were on the clock.

A flummoxed Angel stared into Doyle's eyes. "What the hell?"

Doyle winked. "It wasn't good for you?"

Angel blinked.

"Vision. Let my princess go, Boss."

Angel frowned. "What do you mean? What did you see?"

"Death. Hers. And with her, goes the world. I'm deadly serious about that, by the way. I'm going to die, Angel, and in my stupidity, I was going to kiss her goodbye and declare my undying love. I would've given her my power and she would have died, her mind and soul raped to death by something that's been grooming her for this moment ever since Sunnydale."

Angel was horrified. "I'll protect her."

"You can't. You want her safe? Let her go. I'm begging you, Boss. Do it now before it's too late. Let her live."

Angel looked away. Over the past year, Cordelia, who he had once so easily dismissed as nothing but a vapid bimbo, had become the best friend he'd ever had; the _only_ one he'd ever had. She was so brave; foolish, yes, but courageous. She was intelligent but had common sense, a mixture not often to be found anymore. She was funny; cruel, but hysterically funny. She made sure he never slipped too far into his brooding or maudlin moods.

He needed her. He needed her desperately.

"She will _die_ ," Doyle repeated, "and if that happens after I warned you, then it will be your fault. You will have killed her. Can you live with that?"

Angel swallowed heavily.

"Send her home. Send her back to the boy, the one you both love."

Angel took a deep breath and stepped back, eyes wide.

"He'll protect her," Doyle continued. "He'll give her a home." He stepped back and decked his friend, watching the vampire tumble to the ground, rather proud he had accomplished it. "Got to go. Destiny and all. Tell her I loved her, Angel and, just so it's clear, I loved you too."

He ran.

And then he was gone and Cordelia was screaming and Angel just wanted to die.

* * *

Two days later, Riley stood at the airport gate with his friends, saying a goodbye he'd had no idea would hurt this badly. Xander and Buffy were coming with him, but Giles, Willow, and Tara were staying behind to keep an eye on things.

The three had come to the airport to see them off, along with Anya, Joyce, and Dawn.

Joyce was terribly upset that Riley was leaving, that his relationship with Buffy was coming to an end. She had grown very fond of him, had believed he was the normalcy for which Buffy had so longed and craved, but circumstances were driving them apart. She understood, of course, and applauded Riley for his unselfish decision. She knew how hard it was to be a single parent to two children; she couldn't imagine doing it for five. Still, she knew he would do well.

He was a good man, a strong man, and perhaps, with luck, one day he and Buffy might find their way back to each other. She had hugged and kissed him goodbye, demanding he stay in contact and that he was to call her with any questions or concerns. He might be gone from their sight, but not from their hearts.

Most upsetting, however, was Xander. Over the years, he had become the son she'd never had, the one she'd always wanted, and she had the nagging feeling that this would be the last time she'd see him. Somehow she knew he wasn't coming back. She didn't say anything, she knew better than that, knew that Xander himself had yet to make the decision, but she knew it was coming.

Part of her was relieved. The kids were no longer in high school and the stakes were rising. Xander had long ago accepted Buffy's mission as his own and been the first to stand at her side without question. But now it was more dangerous than ever and Xander didn't have Slayer strength or magic to protect him. If he stayed, he would die, and Buffy would go insane.

As much as her daughter needed him to balance and check her, Joyce knew if anything happened to Xander, neither Buffy nor Dawn would survive it. So, as much as it pained her, she was willing to let go of one child to save the others.

She watched as Dawn clung to Riley, saying goodbye to yet another father figure, though as yet unacknowledged, and knew her youngest child's path was going to be almost as difficult as that of her eldest. At least Buffy and Dawn would have each other, if they ever managed to shut up long enough to realize just how alike they were.

A very confused Riley currently had an armful of Anya and was overwhelmed by the strength her slight body possessed. Truthfully he was surprised she had deigned to come along. She was leaving Sunnydale and everything she knew of this mortal life behind. He didn't think she cared enough about him to wait and see him off. Then again, Xander had always insisted they had never really known Anya, just as Buffy and Willow had never known Cordelia.

"Take care of him for me," she whispered into his ear. "He loves you, you know."

Riley blinked. "I love him, too. He's my best friend."

She pulled back and offered a mysterious smile which he couldn't comprehend.

Riley, Buffy, and Xander exchanged hugs with the others as the boarding call was announced. Xander couldn't figure out why Giles was holding on to him so tightly.

"I know I've been remiss in never saying it," Giles whispered into his ear, "but I have always been very, very proud of you, my boy."

Xander pulled back and stared into the older man's eyes. "Giles?"

Giles took Xander's face in his hands. "You are a good man, a strong man, and it has been my great privilege to watch these past years as you've surpassed my every expectation."

Xander wanted to cry. Why was he saying this? Why now?

Giles gave an embarrassed shrug. "I watch. That's what I was trained to do. I never ... I never thought I would have children of my own, Xander, but I have you and Buffy and Willow and Cordelia, and I'm so grateful for all of you. I love you very much."

Xander threw himself at him for another hug and Giles thought the boy's parents were absolutely stupid for never appreciating the gift they had been given.

"Buffy?"

She cocked her head to the side in disbelief, sure she hadn't just heard his voice. But she had.

They all turned and found a stoic Angel escorting a silent and somber Cordelia toward their retinue. It was obvious something was very wrong.

"Angel?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at Cordelia and, in response, so did the others.

"What happened to her?" Xander barked, pulling her into his arms.

"An apocalypse," Angel said, jaw working furiously. "Doyle died."

Buffy reflexively took his hand. "I'm so sorry."

"He had a vision before he went. Something is after Cordelia, something serious, probably to use her against me. Doyle said she would die if she stayed with me."

Buffy could hear the truth behind the words and it terrified her. "What else did he say?"

Angel turned away. "He told me to bring Cordelia home."

"To the boy we both love," Cordelia finished, wrapping her arms around Xander.

A surge of jealousy infused every cell of Riley's body.

Buffy shook her head. "What?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," Xander said slowly, looking to her. "We made our choices years ago."

She stared at him, then at Angel, and then at the two of them. And she _knew_.

All of the fights. All of the mocking sneers and insults. All of the times Angel suddenly appeared to save Xander. That it was Xander who forced Angel to take him to the Master's lair to save her. That it was Xander who always accompanied her when she had to save Angel.

That horrible day in the mansion when Xander had stood before her and lied to push her to do what they both knew must be done. She had known it was a lie the moment he uttered the words. She was his best friend and he hers. They knew each other in ways no one else did or ever could; not Giles, Willow, or Cordelia.

She hadn't understood the pain in his eyes that day. She had assumed it was for her alone, his pain that she would be forced to put down Angel to save all of them, but now she saw it for what it really was. _Their_ pain at losing the man they loved.

He had put it aside as he always did, as he had so much - Jesse, Cordelia, Faith - to be her first lieutenant, her stalwart soldier.

But he was right. They had all made their choices long ago. She had just never considered until this moment the cost, that they had perhaps made the wrong ones.

She nodded and grasped Willow's hand tightly. Now was not the time for Willow's impetuous mouth to enter the fray.

Angel cleared his throat. "Why are you all here? Did ... did you know we were coming?"

"Riley's father, stepmother, and stepbrother were killed by a drunk driver," Xander said. "He's going home to care for his brothers and sisters. Buffy and I are going with him."

"I'm so sorry," Cordelia murmured to Riley, who nodded his appreciation.

Her sincerity struck the others dumb as her moments of true compassion always had.

"My condolences on your loss," Angel said.

"Thank you," Riley muttered.

Anya hesitantly pushed her way forward and pressed an airline ticket into Cordelia's hand. "I knew Doyle. He called me before ... well, before. You should go with them. You belong with Xander."

Buffy's grip almost drove Willow to her knees, but the witch kept her mouth shut.

Cordelia and Anya stared into each other's eyes for a long moment as they assessed one another. At last they nodded.

Anya turned to Angel. "You're going to need help. Doyle said another was coming, but not yet, so I'm going back to Los Angeles with you. I'm not a Seer, but I'm over a thousand years old and have forgotten more than you'll ever know."

Angel just stared at her.

Cordelia passed her keys to the other woman. "You can have my apartment." She was silent for a long moment. "You'll take care of him for me."

It was a command, not a suggestion.

And Buffy realized in that moment the bond that existed between Angel and Cordelia, how much they loved and cared for one another, that Cordelia was, in essence, Angel's Xander.

Cordelia's breath hitched as she disengaged from Xander's arms and threw herself into Angel's. "I love you. I love you so much and I'm going to miss you every single second of every single day."

Buffy had never before seen Angel cry.

"Call if you need help," she said. "Call me, call Buffy, call Ghostbusters, but call _someone_. You're not alone, Angel."

"I love you, too," he murmured into her hair. "You and Xander take care of each other."

She smiled. "We've been doing that since we were four, when Xander stole Willow's Barbie so I would have a friend."

Willow gasped softly. Since then? That was why?

Cordelia pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "This time, tell him goodbye. Tell him how you feel."

Angel pulled away and scowled.

"You owe him that. You owe yourself that much." Cordelia left his arms and shepherded the others several feet away until Xander and Angel were alone, staring at each other.

"Did you ever wonder?" Xander whispered.

"All the time," Angel confessed, stepping forward. "Every second I was with you."

"Do you think anything would have changed?"

"I don't think we'll ever know."

"It doesn't really matter. We both chose her and it was the right decision."

Buffy turned away so they wouldn't see her tears. This was their time.

"I loved you," Xander said. "I really did."

"I know. I loved you, too. It just wasn't in the cards for us."

"Thank you for bringing Cordelia home."

"Her home is wherever you are, Xander. It always has been. I was just ... keeping her safe for you, as you've done for me with Buffy."

Xander nodded and turned to leave, squeaking when Angel yanked his arm and drew him close.

"This time, we do it right."

And then they were kissing and neither wanted ever to let the other go.

Angel felt something pass through him and into Xander. They both felt it, but neither knew what it was.

When it was over, they drew back and looked at each other.

"That was worth waiting for," Xander whispered, looking shyly at the ground.

Angel tilted Xander's chin up with a finger. "If you need me, call me."

Xander's brow furrowed. "Are we going to sing a Diana Ross song?"

Angel frowned. "Who?"

Joyce's wild laughter echoed all around them.

* * *

The flight was roughly six hours and Xander was concerned that Cordelia had yet to speak. Silence was not something he had ever before associated with her. When not dominating the conversation, she had a tendency to babble her feelings about any topic to hide her anxiety. She wasn't nearly as prone to babble as him, but she still babbled.

It was funny that he never before thought of them having that in common.

They were more alike than not, but over the years they had become so accustomed to others pointing out their differences, they had tended to focus only on those differences.

But it felt right, her sitting next to him, like he had finally come home. It struck him suddenly just how much he had missed her this past year. He, Willow, and Jesse had all grown up together, but Cordelia had always been right there with them, in their vicinity if not their circle.

He also noticed the ease they now shared, their companionable silence, which was peculiar. They hadn't ended on very good terms and, while they had wished each other well, they hadn't planned on seeing each other again. He wondered what they might have been had Willow not been in the picture, if they would have gotten together sooner. If they'd still be together now.

"How did you know?" he asked quietly. "About me and Angel?"

"I always knew," she said, for once without the know-it-all tone such responses normally engendered. "It was obvious if you knew to look for it."

He chewed on that for a moment. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

She shrugged a shoulder and looked out the window. "You two chose her over each other. You made that decision before I was in the picture, so why would I pour salt in an old wound? I always wanted you to be happy, Xander, and selfishly, I wanted you for myself."

"I don't regret anything," he rushed to say. "I've never regretted us."

She flashed him a brief smile. "Me neither. When we were good, nothing was better."

He sighed and looked down. "I shouldn't have let her come between us. It was my fault."

"It was mine too. I knew you had feelings for each other, but I ignored them when I should have called you out. I could've fought for you. I should have. I let my pride stand in the way." She angrily shook her head and looked back out the window. "I was stupid."

"I should've controlled myself," he said bitterly.

"It wasn't the kiss, Xander. I could've forgiven that. It's that you lied. You lied about what you felt for her. We've all told lies, but I never thought you would lie to me."

He flushed and looked away. "When have you ever lied?"

"When I told you that we were a mistake, that I never really loved you."

"Why did you say it?" he asked after a long moment, his voice deep and hollow.

"Because I knew it would hurt and I wanted to hurt you. It was the only power I had left."

Silence fell again, both of them lost to their thoughts.

"How do you think Anya will do with Angel?" she asked.

"Well. The others never liked her. She reminded them too much of you. She was too blunt, too tactless. Too honest. She said things we didn't want to hear, but we needed to hear them. I listened and so will Angel. The others didn't, but I learned my lesson. Anya's voice never rang with the authority yours did, so it was easier for them to ignore her and dismiss her as an inferior version of you."

"Did you love her?"

He was silent for a moment. "Not the way she deserved, but, yeah, I loved her."

She nodded. "I'm glad."

"Are you two okay?"

They looked up to see Buffy looking kindly down upon them. She and Riley were seated six rows up from them and hadn't seen each other since the departure.

"Getting there," Cordelia said. "How are you?"

She sighed and leaned against the seat before them, which was vacant. "Sad. I don't know how to help him. I want to be there for him, but it's hard because I know this is the beginning of the end. At least there will be a goodbye this time."

Cordelia sighed. "Angel has never learned to say goodbye."

"I'm so sorry about Doyle," Buffy said. "I only met him once, but I liked him. He seemed nice. Funny."

"He was a good guy," Cordelia acknowledged, "and he went out like the hero he always wanted to be." She stared ahead at nothing. "He never saw himself as the hero he already was." She turned and smirked at Xander. "Seems to be contagious."

"I'm not a hero," Xander said.

"You're my hero."

He turned startled eyes up at Buffy.

She smiled. "You are. You have been from that first day when you asked if you could have me. I should have said yes." She sat on his armrest. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because I couldn't admit it to myself. There were a lot of things I could never admit. And it didn't really matter anyway. By the time I met him, he was already yours and that was fine. You were more important."

"I am not more important than you."

"Yes, you are."

She began to shake her head.

"You are," he insisted. "I'm only ever going to be support staff, Buff, and that's okay. It really is. I don't need to be a witch or a Watcher or a werewolf or anything else. I chose you because it was the right decision, and not once in any moment of pain or glory have I regretted that."

He smiled. "You have a great big destiny, Buff, and you need a big, grand love to go with it. You deserve it and you've earned it, but that could never be us. We'd just end up worrying and fussing over each other and it would drive us apart. We're better off as friends."

"Best friends."

He smiled and nodded. "Best friends. Always."

She slid down onto his lap, leaning her head into his neck. "And what do you want?"

"Happiness. Kids. A dog."

Her eyes widened. "Wow, kids? Really?"

He laughed. "Yeah. I'd like to be a dad. I think I know what _not_ to do."

A look of confusion crossed her face, which only deepened when she sensed the anger pouring off Cordelia. She was struck with realization and barely suppressed her rage at what she suddenly knew to be true and at herself for what she had either not noticed or ignored. She would talk about it later with him, if he'd allow it. When she returned to Sunnydale, she'd be paying a visit to his parents. They'd be lucky if all she did was talk.

"I should get back to Riley," she said softly, rising to her feet. She turned to Cordelia. "I'm glad you're here. I've missed you."

Cordelia gave her a look that was both appreciative and confused, one that summed up their entire relationship. "Me too."

She just wasn't sure who she had missed more: Xander, Buffy, or herself.

* * *

The jetway seemed to lengthen in his eyes, the exit clearly visible but suddenly so very distant. Each step echoed in his head like the beating of his heart and he knew that once he stepped into the airport proper, it would hit him.

His father was dead. He was an orphan. His brothers and sisters would need him.

He was so grateful for Buffy's strong hand in his, for Xander's solid presence at his side, and even for Cordelia. She too was in mourning. Her entire life had changed in an instant. She understood without having to use words and that moved him.

As soon as he crossed the threshold, he saw them. He wondered how they would react. He hadn't told them he was bringing anyone with him.

Kurt was the first to notice him. Kurt was always the first to notice everything. He immediately stood and ushered his siblings to do the same. He quickly adjusted Mike's collar, brushed back Tina's hair, and wiped Brittany's face with a handkerchief. Presentation had always been so important to him.

Riley gave his brother a hard look. Kurt was pale, but otherwise appeared fine. The distance in his eyes was the only clue as to his depth of suffering. He would be the rock, Riley knew. It was Kurt more than him who would see the others through their father's passing. He had always been the strong one, fighting for everyone but himself. He would get them through this, even if the cost was to himself. That was what Riley feared most.

Quinn clung to Kurt's arm, biting her lip nervously. She and Riley had never been particularly close, though they loved each other deeply. He was just enough older that he had always been more a parental figure to her than a brother. She was terrified of him finding out she'd had a baby only months ago and given it up for adoption. She still couldn't believe Daddy had agreed not to tell him.

Mike wondered as to the assortment of people Riley had brought with him, who they were and what they wanted. Kurt had warned them that Riley most likely would want to move them and Mike was already dreading and resenting being separated from his best friend Matt Rutherford.

He knew that, conversely, Tina couldn't get wait to get out. She hated Lima and always had. It was too small, too provincial, and frankly too white. She was tired of never seeing a face that resembled her own. She was tired of explaining that, while she and Mike were adopted, they weren't biological siblings just because they were both Asian.

Mike's experience was not hers. He had never known his family was different until it was pointed out to him by classmates. He had always known he had been adopted, but he loved his family. They were his life. He didn't care that he didn't look like them. He'd never wondered about his birth parents. He had been chosen and loved and that was all that had ever mattered.

He couldn't remember his mother anymore, if he'd ever even had concrete memories of her. He would look at pictures of her holding him and Tina and Brittany and couldn't recall her face or voice, but he was nevertheless always suffused with warmth at the sight of her. She had loved them so much, had wanted them so much, and he could feel that, even now.

He supposed his maternal figure was actually ... Kurt. Kurt had been mothering them for as long as Mike could remember, even though he, Tina, and Brittany were only a year younger. Their dad had always been a huge presence in their lives, but it was Kurt who had done the day-to-day stuff. Quinn had always been there, of course, but it wasn't the same. They loved her; they revered Kurt.

Kurt had made their lunches and done their laundry and read them stories and kissed their skinned knees. Kurt had held them after they had nightmares. He had studied with them and cried with them and fought bullies for them.

And that's why Mike could accept leaving, because this town was bad for Kurt, had been suffocating him for years, and he wanted his brother to be happy. Kurt deserved happiness and it was obvious to everyone he'd never find it in Lima.

Until this moment Brittany had never realized just how much Riley and Kurt looked alike. They had the same flawless complexions, though Kurt's was porcelain and Riley's sun-kissed. They parted their hair on the same side. They had the same eyes.

Daddy's eyes.

She burst into tears and ran into Riley's arms, feeling her stomach drop as he swooped her up and swung her around as he had when she was a little girl. She still felt like a little girl most of the time. She was the youngest, the baby, even though Mike and Tina were just weeks older. She was the one they had all doted upon, even Quinn.

She missed her father so much it was like a physical ache, a phantom limb. She'd wake up in the morning and would swear she heard him debating with Fox News. She would swear she'd catch sight of him from the corner of her eye and then went chasing after him until she remembered. She had taken to sleeping in his old shirts, feeling as though the sleeves were his arms around her, the scents of Old Spice and motor oil lulling her to sleep at night.

Riley set her back on the ground and was then swarmed by the others, save Kurt, who stood apart and kept a watchful eye on the proceedings. Riley gleaned that Kurt was now unsure as to his place in the family. For almost ten years, he had been the eldest sibling in the house. The others took their cues from him. Kurt must have been wondering what role he was now supposed to play.

"Hi, Nightingale," he softly said.

He had been calling Kurt that since the boy was barely two. Kurt began singing before speaking and even then his voice had been remarkable. Nightingales had the greatest range of any songbird and were said to be the most creative. In myth, nightingales were harbingers of versatile, complex melodies which were often melancholic, but the birds themselves were considered to be good omens.

The moment his father had placed Kurt in Riley's arms, Riley understood what love was.

And then Kurt was in his arms again and Riley knew it was the first time his brother had cried since their father's death.

* * *

"Guys, this is my girlfriend Buffy Summers, our best friend Xander Harris, and his best friend Cordelia Chase," Riley said, making the introductions.

Cordelia smiled at being described as Xander's best friend and Kurt was utterly entranced.

"You're beautiful," he said quietly.

"So are you," she said.

He turned his head, blushing.

"It's nice to meet all of you," Buffy said kindly. "Your brother has told me nothing about you."

All five of his siblings turned and stared at Riley, who flushed.

"Let me guess," Mike said, "it was classified?"

Buffy grinned. "Something like that."

"But you know the big secret, whatever that is," Quinn surmised.

A startled Buffy said nothing and turned wide eyes on Riley. They hadn't talked about what the kids did or didn't know and she didn't want to offer any details which might contradict his past statements. This was his rodeo.

Riley took a deep breath. "Buffy, Xander, and Cordelia are familiar with my assignment. They're actually kind of like my superior officers."

Mike and Tina blinked. Xander and Buffy stared.

"And how are you managing with that?" Quinn asked her brother. "A woman in charge, I mean."

Cordelia nodded her approval. "I like you. You score direct hits."

Quinn preened.

Riley's flush deepened. "I'm ... evolving."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Okay, Obama."

Xander and Cordelia burst out laughing.

"Riley's not a misogynist," said a frowning Brittany.

"No, he's not," Buffy agreed. "He just ... wasn't prepared for what the assignment would truly entail and a lot of that was my fault. I had to keep things from him." She shrugged. "Classified."

Cordelia cleared her throat. "It's nice to meet all of you, though I'm very sorry for the circumstances."

"Riley's mentioned Xander and Buffy in his emails," Tina said, "but not you."

"For the past year, I've been stationed in Los Angeles," Cordelia said smoothly.

"What's it like there?" Kurt asked.

"Not nearly as glamorous as it appears. Believe me, you're not missing much."

Brittany cocked her head. "You're all lying, but I guess that's okay. You seem like real friends."

No one knew what to say to that, so they decided it was best to get a move on. It was a two hour trip back to Lima.

There was a small scene at the baggage claim when Kurt eyed their luggage and questioned how they were to fit all of it, and them, in his Navigator.

"We can just rent a car," Riley said, leading them over to the Avis station.

They promptly discovered, however, that none of them were old enough to do so. Riley, at twenty-four, was a year shy of the minimum age. He could serve his country for seven years, but not rent a car with his American Express.

"I'll call Santana," Brittany chirped, whipping out her cell phone. "She has a big truck because she's butch."

Kurt and Quinn snorted.

"Who's Santana?" Buffy asked.

"My girlfriend," Brittany said. "At least this week she is."

Buffy decided it best not to press that point. Luckily Santana was also in Dayton, doing some shopping at some of the better stores unavailable in Lima. She would arrive in under an hour, giving the others enough time to place a very large and costly Starbucks order. Their barista was named Kyle and he flirted relentlessly with Kurt, who was very confused and flustered by the attention. He was utterly mortified when he later noticed a phone number written on his cup.

"He was totally cute and so into you!" Cordelia said.

"He was too old for Kurt," said a gruff Riley.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Kyle was adorable and sexy. You should call him."

"I'm not going to be picked up in a Starbucks," Kurt declared.

"Good for you," Riley said. "You're better than that."

"Kurt's the only virgin here, isn't he?" Brittany asked.

They stared at her, then at Kurt, and then at the table.

Riley, while thankful Kurt was waiting, was not ready to hear that his siblings - he had changed their _diapers_ \- were sexually active. He desperately wanted to demand the names and addresses of any and all partners, whether or not they had been safe, and were their father's guns still loaded. Still, he knew he should say something so he looked at each one of them in turn.

"All of you?"

Quinn and Mike looked like deer caught in headlights. Tina found the ceiling utterly fascinating. Only Brittany had the temerity to meet Riley's eyes, and she wasn't the first to look away. In all honesty, Riley wasn't that surprised. Brittany had been with Santana, off and on, since elementary school. He was actually glad it had been Santana, for at least Riley knew they loved each other. They just couldn't seem to make it last for any considerable length of time.

As for the rest, as far as he knew none of them had significant others.

"If it's any consolation," Xander said, "they've probably done better than we have."

Buffy and Cordelia nodded.

"Really?" asked an interested Quinn.

Buffy and Cordelia were too embarrassed to elaborate, but Xander had no such problem. "Sure. I've had two partners. The first I slept with only once. She was going through a lot of stuff and, when I went to her place to offer my help, she tried to kill me."

Mike laughed. He stopped when Xander didn't.

"Oh, my god," Kurt whispered.

Xander nodded. "I was saved by Buffy's ex, who, coincidentally, I had a thing for."

"Yikes," Tina murmured. She turned to Buffy. "So are you gay?"

"Nope," Xander responded for her. "I like girls and boys. Well, only three girls and one boy." He looked at Buffy. "I guess Angel counts as a boy."

Buffy and Cordelia tilted their heads and at last nodded.

"Uh, why wouldn't he count as a boy?" Mike asked. "Oh! He is transgender?"

"No," Xander replied. "He's just old. He's in his early three ... uh, thirties."

"And how old were you?" Kurt gasped.

Buffy and Xander flushed.

"About as old as you are now," Riley said.

"Hey, I was seventeen!" Buffy said.

"Me too!" Xander exclaimed.

The rest looked at Cordelia, who shrugged. "Only one and only once." She paused. "I didn't really think about it until just now, but he looked a lot like Xander." She scowled. "Minus the decency."

Xander and Buffy turned toward her and frowned.

"What aren't you saying?" they demanded.

She rolled her eyes and gestured. They leaned in and she whispered furiously.

"What!" they roared.

"I'm going to find him," Buffy seethed, "and make him suffer."

"It's not worth your time," Cordelia said.

" _You're_ worth my time."

Cordelia offered a bashful smile.

"I'm calling Anya," Xander said. "She'll take care of it."

Buffy smiled poisonously.

"Angel already did," Cordelia said.

Buffy pouted. "Spoil our fun."

"How long have you guys been friends?" Tina asked. "I mean, you finish each other's sentences and everything."

"Almost five years running," Buffy said brightly.

"I wouldn't necessarily say we're friends," Cordelia said cautiously.

"I would."

She smiled. "Well, at least not as long as you, Xander, and Willow."

Buffy nodded. "That's fair." She looked at the others. "Xander and I have been best friends since high school, along with another girl, Willow Rosenberg. Cordy was always a part of us, though. Even when she left for LA, she was still with us."

"Thanks," Cordelia whispered.

Buffy shrugged. "It's true."

"Willow and I had another best friend growing up," Xander said quietly. "His name was Jesse. He died not long after Buffy moved to Sunnydale at the beginning of sophomore year."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said. "What happened?"

"Gang attack," Buffy, Xander, and Cordelia immediately said.

"Rough school," Tina noted.

Buffy scoffed. "You don't know the half of it."

"And Cordelia was always with us," Xander added. "Jesse had been in love with her since we were seven. At the time, she and I were ... "

"Archnemeses," Cordelia interjected.

"That works," he nodded, "but after Jesse died, we put that stuff behind us and fell in love."

Buffy sighed. "But first Xander fell in love with me and Angel, I fell in love with Angel, Angel was in love with both of us, and Willow had been in love with Xander since forever."

"I was busy being awesome," Cordelia interrupted, examining her perfect cuticles.

The younger set looked at each other.

"And we though Glee was dramatic," Mike said.

"Cordelia was really my first love," Xander, "and it was the only good decision I've ever made."

She nodded. "That's true."

Buffy and Riley laughed.

"So where are Angel and Willow now?" Kurt asked.

"Angel lives in Los Angeles," Cordelia said. "He runs a private investigation firm of which I was a partner. We had a third partner, but he was killed a few days ago on a case."

They fell silent at her admission, respectful of her grief.

"Willow's back in Sunnydale keeping an eye on my little sister, Dawn," Buffy said. "She's a lesbian now. Willow, I mean. Her girlfriend is named Tara and she's wonderful."

"Too bad Willow couldn't have come to that realization _before_ stealing my boyfriend," Cordelia snapped. She looked up and forced a smile. "Still a little bitter."

"She broke you guys up?" Quinn asked.

Xander and Cordelia exchanged a look.

"I think it's more accurate to say we let her break us up," he said, "and even that's stretching the truth. I was just as responsible."

"And you took all of the blame," Cordelia barked. "She took none."

Buffy frowned. "That's true."

"Really?" asked a surprised Riley.

"We ... weren't kind to Xander during that time," she admitted. "I had unconsciously sided with Cordy and, well, I was always closer to Xan, so I was more disappointed in him. But Willow was just as guilty. She had a boyfriend at the time, but even he blamed Xander more than Willow."

Xander rubbed his jaw. "It still hurts when it rains."

"Oz shouldn't have decked you," Buffy said, "no matter how angry he was."

"Especially because Willow used a ... trick," Cordelia hissed.

Buffy's head swiveled toward her. "Wait, _what?_ "

"Are you serious?" Riley demanded.

The kids had no idea what was going on but knew the conversation had much more depth than what was being said.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Buffy asked Xander.

He shrugged. "Because blaming ... that ... would have been the easy way out. No matter what was going on that night, I made my choice and it was the wrong one. I'll always regret it."

Cordelia gave a wistful sigh. "I'll always regret not ripping her kidneys out and feeding them to a stray cat."

Everyone stared at her until Brittany's phone began chirping.

"Sanny's here! I call shotgun!"


	2. Ortum Rex

Halfway to Lima Riley realized he hadn't planned the logistics very well.

The house was already completely occupied - Kurt had long ago taken his room - and there just wasn't any space for Buffy, Cordelia, and Xander. Despite his protests, they elected to stay at the house regardless, more than happy to share with the kids or sleep on the couches or floor.

He supposed he somewhat understood. They were in an unfamiliar small town where they knew no one and had no transportation of their own. He knew he would be incredibly busy with lawyers and real estate agents and planning the services so he wouldn't be able to entertain them, but there was probably more to do at the house than at the lackluster Lima Holiday Inn Express.

It was eventually decided, via furious texting, that Riley and Buffy would take the master bedroom, Xander would share with Kurt and Cordelia with Quinn. Quinn was fine with the arrangement, but Kurt was more hesitant.

"What's the matter, Nightingale?" Riley asked.

Kurt said nothing and continued to drive.

"Finn refused to share his room," Mike said, "so Dad made Finn share with me. Finn got all pissed off because he had never shared a room before and didn't think he should have to start. He kept insisting that Kurt should give up his room and share with me so he could have his own."

"That's ridiculous," Riley said. "Kurt and Quinn shared a room until they were eight. When I left, Kurt took my room, but only because Dad made him. The twins waged a rebellion that lasted more than a year."

Mike laughed. "Yeah, and don't think Quinn didn't tell Finn where he could shove it. We've all had to share, but Finn was an only child and Carole had spoiled him. He didn't want to have to make any concessions and Dad was afraid to discipline him because of how Carole might take it. Once she was told what was going on, she told Finn his only other option was to pitch a tent in the backyard. He seriously considered it."

The only reason Riley didn't give voice to his thoughts was because he was raised not to speak ill of the dead. He had never met Finn but had hurt all about him from Tina and Brittany's admittedly biased emails, though the bedroom situation had never been mentioned. Quinn had dated Finn during their freshman year, but Riley didn't know when or why they had broken up; she had kept mum on the matter during their relatively few exchanges.

"He didn't want to share with you because you're gay?" he gently asked his brother.

Kurt pursed his lips.

"Well, he sounds like he was a dick, but that is so not Xander, okay bud? He's the best guy I know and the least judgmental, at least about stuff like that."

Buffy frowned. That certainly hadn't been her experience with Xander. Then again, he had been nothing but supportive and encouraging as far as her relationship with Riley was concerned. His anger and disappointment regarding Angel, however ... well, nothing he had said had been actually wrong and he admittedly had been jealous.

Like she had been at his relationships with Cordelia and Anya. Oh.

She felt her cheeks heat up.

Kurt gave a tight nod, his relief made clear only by the slight softening of his shoulders.

Mike sighed. "Ri," he began cautiously, "give Kurt a break on the Finn front, okay? Their relationship is ... _was_ ... kind of strange."

That set off Riley's Big Brother Alarm.

"Strange _how?_ " Buffy demanded.

Ever since Willow had come out, Buffy had conducted an inventory of herself, determined to figure out why she had reacted to the news as poorly as she had. Eventually she had come to the realization that she wasn't homophobic, just surprised, but she _was_ upset and rather hurt that Willow had expected her to be prejudiced.

Willow had never said why that was, what it was about Buffy that suggested she wouldn't welcome Tara with open arms. The truth of the matter was that she liked Tara a lot. Her wariness had stemmed from the fact that Tara was an outsider and Buffy was afraid of her learning Super Secret Slayer Stuff and getting killed for it.

There was also some slight jealousy on Buffy's part that Tara might take her place as Willow's best friend. Once Tara was Willow's acknowledged girlfriend, however, Buffy was just happy that Willow was happy.

So, yeah, she was a little ticked off on Kurt's behalf.

Kurt reminded her a lot of Dawn. They even kind of looked alike: shiny chestnut hair, pale complexions, and huge blue eyes. Kurt's eyes were even more startling in color and almost feline, but he was much more quiet and thoughtful than Dawn, which Buffy certainly appreciated.

Mike knew Kurt didn't want to talk about it but, at the same time, felt Riley should know. He knew his big brother well enough that if Riley didn't get answers immediately, he would seek them out by questioning their friends, who admittedly had various opinions.

"Back in freshman year when Finn and Quinn were dating, Kurt crushed on Finn pretty hard," Mike said quietly. "Quinn knew and didn't care because she shares everything with him and knew he wouldn't cross certain lines, but Finn had a lot of ... gay panic."

Cordelia, who had been sitting in the back lost in her own thoughts, frowned.

Kurt's fingers gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white.

"Finn totally freaked out," Mike continued, "and made a big deal about how straight he was and that Kurt was some kind of stalker or something. He didn't seem to get that Kurt was always around because it was _his house_."

"Is that why Quinn dumped him?" Riley asked. "Because go Quinn."

Mike shook his head. "It was, um, actually the other way around, but you'll have to talk to Quinn about that, and it wasn't Kurt's fault. In fact, after they broke up, Finn just kept hanging around, only then he was coming over to see Kurt."

"I don't like where this is going," Cordelia said.

"None of us did," Mike said, scowling. "Suddenly Finn decided that Kurt was his new best friend. That basically meant Finn wanted Kurt to tell him what to wear and help him with his homework, which Kurt did, despite the fact that they were on different tracks at school."

He looked over his shoulder at her. "Kurt and Quinn are super smart. Practically geniuses. They're in every honors class they can take and are even in Advanced Placement classes. They get their scores in a few weeks, but if they at least got threes on this latest round of AP exams, they'll already have more than twenty college credits each."

He cleared his throat. "Anyway, Kurt felt some stupid need to make up for having a damn crush and Finn was more than content to have Kurt as some kind of guidance counselor and analyst."

"That's not exactly true," Kurt whispered.

Mike glared. "Bro, he totally used you! He started dating Rachel even before he dumped Quinn and came to you with all his relationship problems, even though he knew how close you and Quinn are! He tried to drive a wedge between you. He wanted you to choose him over your own damn twin!"

"That never would have happened," Kurt insisted. "Both Finn and Quinn knew that."

"He still tried," said a mulish Mike. "So Finn started dating Rachel and she's kind of crazy. She's been obsessed with Kurt for years because her goal in life is to have a gay BFF. I even heard her tell Mercedes that if she's not married by the time she's thirty, she wants Kurt to be her sperm donor.

Kurt made a strangled clucking noise as his entire body shuddered.

"Rachel hates Quinn and, yeah, Quinn did used to kind of bully her, but Rachel's no one's victim. She wanted Finn who wanted Quinn, but I don't know if Rachel actually loved Finn or just the idea of him. He seemed more like a trophy to her than anything else."

"So he dated her to make Quinn jealous," Buffy assumed.

"I think that was part of it," Mike agreed, "but most of it was to make Kurt jealous. Finn called Kurt all the time and showed up at the house constantly, asking Kurt to plan dates for him and Rachel, asking what kinds of gifts he should buy her, what movies they should go to. All kinds of lame stuff."

"That's just cruel," Cordelia snapped.

"It was, to both Kurt and Quinn, but Finn didn't care. Kurt thinks Finn just didn't realize what he was doing, but Finn was not nearly as dumb as he pretended. No one could be that dumb and still be conscious. He could manipulate just as easily as Kurt, Quinn, or Santana."

Kurt's silence only confirmed Mike's hypothesis, which he took as permission to continue.

"So Finn was supposedly dating Rachel but spending more time with Kurt than with her. Rachel got upset about it and confronted Kurt, blaming him. And Finn just let her! He didn't even try to take responsibility for his actions. Dad threw Rachel out of the house and told her never to come back and then Finn asked Kurt to the movies."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Mikey?" Riley exclaimed. "Why the hell didn't any of you tell me about this?"

Mike reddened and didn't answer.

"Because I asked them not to," Kurt said. "It wasn't your fight, Riley, and I'm more than capable of taking care of myself."

Riley rolled his eyes. "This isn't about defending you, Kurt, but about Finn's motives and the way he went about trying to get what he wanted. He dated a girl he knew you and Quinn didn't like, attempted to undermine your relationship with your sister _after_ he dumped her, and then tried to pass the buck to you so his new girlfriend would blame someone else for the problems in their relationship! Why the hell did Dad marry this boy's mother?"

"Carole was a wonderful woman," Kurt barked. "You didn't know her. You couldn't even be bothered to come to the wedding. You don't get to talk about her, so back off."

Riley's eyes became very wide and he blinked owlishly. He slowly released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. He hadn't anticipated that Kurt had issues with him and was guessing this was just the tip of the iceberg.

"We all loved Carole," Mike said calmly, trying to soothe them both. "She really was a nice lady and she loved us too. She never tried to replace Mom; she was just our friend. She didn't know about most of the stuff Finn pulled and we didn't tell her because we didn't want to put her in the middle. We just wanted Dad to be happy. Carole made him happy and that was more important."

"I can understand that," Riley said quietly. "I'm glad Dad found that. He deserved it."

Mike snorted. " _Found_ that?"

"Mike!" Kurt snapped.

Cordelia watched with interest as Mike immediately cringed and fell silent.

Riley sighed. "Kurt."

Kurt grunted. "Fine. Dad didn't find Carole. She didn't find him. I introduced them. I'm sure you can guess why."

He let that statement hang in the air for several long moments.

"So what?" Mike demanded. "You couldn't have predicted they'd actually _like_ each other. Finn was the one who kept arranging for the little accidental run-ins. Finn was the one who started inviting Dad to all of his football games. Finn was the one who went digging into all of Dad's hobbies and then showing up at the shop or at the firing range or at the fishing spot on the lake and everywhere else.

"Finn was the one who started dragging Carole along. Finn was the one who just stopped showing up, leaving Dad and Carole alone with each other. Finn even suggested they get married!"

Buffy stared. "That's a sick thing," she finally said.

Kurt made a choking noise but didn't say anything.

"Even Finn wasn't that good," Mike said hesitantly. "He planned it, yeah, but didn't quite get the outcome he was hoping for."

"He wanted a father," Kurt said. "His own died before he was even born. There's nothing wrong with a boy wanting a father."

"He wanted _our_ father!" Mike yelled. "He wanted our father to choose him over you and Quinn! He didn't give a _shit_ about me or Tina, and he was only ever nice to Brittany because he was fucking terrified of Santana." He shook his head in amazement. "No wonder you had her over at the house all the time."

He turned to Riley. "Living in that house with Finn was hell," he said baldly. "When he wasn't _accidentally_ walking in on Kurt in the bathroom or while Quinn was getting dressed, he was eating all the food and breaking _all_ the shit.

"Dad, who didn't know about most of this stuff, didn't do anything because he was afraid of alienating Carole. Carole, who was even more in the dark, didn't do anything because she was afraid of alienating the rest of us even more than Finn already had. He ignored me, Tina, and Brittany. He and Quinn almost came to blows on three separate occasions. That just left Kurt."

"I did everything I could," Kurt said evenly.

"I wasn't blaming you!" Mike rushed to say, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder and very hurt when Kurt shrugged him off. "It wasn't your job, Kurt," he said softly. "You shouldn't have been put in that position. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, it was," Mike insisted, "because we do that to you all the time. We just expect you to swoop in and solve all of our problems because you always have, but that's not fair to you. We've been taking you for granted for years."

Kurt swallowed heavily and said nothing.

Riley was devastated. He'd had no idea all of this had been going on and was very upset the kids felt they couldn't have come to him. He was also incredibly disappointed in his father. The man he remembered would never have stood for some teenage bully exerting his will over the entire house.

He could tell Kurt was angry with him, possibly even feeling as though he had been abandoned. Riley didn't blame him. He had always been slightly jealous of the bond Kurt had shared with their dad but, for the first time, he realized just how much his father had depended on Kurt: to deal with the house, the shop, and the kids.

Mike was right; it was a totally unfair burden.

Riley himself hadn't helped matters by enlisting on his eighteenth birthday. He had done it to make his father proud, yes, but also because he wanted to get the hell out of Lima. Shamefully he knew that he too was culpable for pushing Kurt, the next eldest, into assuming responsibilities that shouldn't have been his.

And Maggie. That despicable bitch had zeroed in on him while at Basic, drawing him further into her web with each passing year, giving him more responsibility and _drugs_ and exclaiming her pride in him, being the mother he had never really had.

Now just the thought of her made him physically ill.

He knew, however, that if he asked Kurt directly, his brother would simply deny his anger. It was a pattern that had emerged years ago. For whatever reason, Kurt had always been reticent to express his anger; he kept it to himself or turned it inward. Quinn usually spoke on Kurt's behalf when it got to be too much, which caused Riley to question where she had been emotionally and mentally while all of this was happening.

Brittany and Tina had never been afraid to use their mouths. Brittany usually got what she wanted just by virtue of being the baby. He knew there existed some tension between the girls because of that. Mike had always been quiet; even as a baby he had hardly cried, usually set off only by the girls. Riley also knew Mike hadn't been subjected to the same expectations as Kurt, which was unfair to both boys.

"We do that to Xander," Buffy softly said to Mike, though her eyes remained on Kurt.

Cordelia shifted restlessly in her seat but remained silent, curious as to where Buffy was going with this.

"You do?" Mike asked.

"We don't mean to," she said, blushing, "it's just that, somehow along the way, he became the voice of reason, our eye in the hurricane. We've always depended on him to keep us in check, to keep us in line. When he did that, when he acted like how we expected and all but demanded, when he was being _exactly_ what we needed, we punished him for it. It was completely unfair."

Riley said nothing but was honestly surprised she was admitting to it. He had been Xander's best friend for a while now, though their relationship was markedly different than that which existed amongst Xander, Buffy, and Willow.

He had witnessed firsthand how the girls would gang up on Xander, usually abetted by an unthinking Giles, leaving the guy frustrated and wondering where he fit into their dynamic. They denied or remained silent on his accomplishments and had tried to push him out more than once in order to protect him. He was alternately their best friend, big brother, little brother, lover, therapist, and surrogate child.

Yet he had remained, ever faithful and true, living his life according to a code of honor he had crafted for himself, one which no one understood and could probably never meet. Xander had harsher expectations for himself than the others and was his own worst critic. He humbled Riley deeply.

"Cordelia was always the one to rein us in," Buffy continued. "Most of the time we ignored her because, well, frankly, me and Willow didn't like her at the time. But we listened. Xander is our unwavering support system, but Cordelia was our reality check. We tried to curb our behavior, but we never apologized for it to Xander. After Cordy left, it fell to Anya, who we liked even less."

She turned to a startled Cordelia. "It wasn't long after you were gone that I started realizing just how badly we needed you and ... and selfishly, I missed you. Xander has never been afraid to stand up to me, but he only pulls punches in dire straits. You said what you thought regardless and didn't care if the truth hurt. I respected that. I ... I miss that."

She sighed. "We were so unfair to you, Cordy, but we were complete bitches to Anya. She tried so hard to fight for Xander because no one else was doing it. We resented her interference. We treated her like some kind of interloper. She had no history with us outside of her relationship with Xander, so it was easier to ignore her."

She paused. "Also, Anya never terrified us like you could."

She swallowed and then blew out a long breath."Then my sister Dawn, who has always had a crush on Xander, jumped on the bandwagon, but it backfired. She was so jealous of Anya that most of her rants segued into condemnations of Anya's existence, so we tuned her out, too."

Kurt gently cleared his throat. "I never would have suspected that, given how close the three of you appear."

Cordelia and Buffy shared a long look.

"Our dynamic is very strange," Cordelia said. "We love each other deeply. We've seen each other at our best and our worst. It's true that I wasn't close to Buffy and Willow in high school, but we all depended on each other to get through it. We trusted each other when it counted.

"We've told you how dangerous our school was. In our junior year at Homecoming, Buffy and I were separated from the others and attacked. We fought together and saved each other's lives." She paused. "The truth of the matter is that, for a very long time, Buffy and I didn't like each other, but we always respected one another."

Buffy gave her a soft smile. "That's true."

"And respect is more important," Cordelia said. "The fluffy bunny feelings will come later, but if respect isn't the foundation of your relationship, it will never work. I've known Willow my entire life, but I don't respect her. I can work with her but I will never like her. Xander and I had fought bitterly since we were children, but we always respected one another, which is why, when we got our heads out of our asses, we fell in love."

"But you broke up," Mike said.

"Yeah, and that hurt. It hurt for a long time. It still does. What hurt the most, though, was the loss of our friendship, not the romance. Xander was very disrespectful to me, something I honestly never believed would happen, and I had to pull away from him completely to deal with it. I mourned that loss for two years. I was the most popular girl in school, I ruled my class and every other, but Xander was the only true friend I'd ever had until Angel."

Buffy blinked owlishly and stared. How had she not realized this before? In hindsight it was obvious.

"And now?" Kurt whispered.

"Now? Now Buffy and I are friends but because of feeling, not proximity. Xander and I are friends again too, and it's better this time because we're more aware of each other and our boundaries. The respect is back. If I had the opportunity to save Willow's life, I absolutely would, but I will never be her friend. I just can't trust her, and I know that's hard for Buffy and Xander to understand because of how much they love her."

"No," Buffy said, "I understand and I'm sure Xander does too. We support you, Cordy. Your friendships with us aren't contingent upon your relationship with Willow. We made that mistake before. We won't again."

Cordelia smiled. "That means a lot."

"I thought Xander was your best friend," Mike said to Riley.

"He is. He's my best friend, Buffy's best friend, Cordy's best friend, Willow's best friend, Anya's best friend, and probably even Giles's best friend."

Buffy frowned in thought but at last nodded.

"His relationship with each of us is completely separate from his relationships with the others and their relationships with each other." His face turned thoughtful. "He loves us all. He's made room in his heart for all of us."

"It's amazing that heart continues to function after the many times it's been broken," said a bitter Cordelia.

Buffy's gut clenched at that very real truth. "If it was ever a choice," she whispered, her face pained, "if it ever came down to saving Xander or someone else, I would choose him every single time."

Cordelia nodded. It was hard to admit, even in the privacy of her own mind, but she would save Xander before Angel.

Mike and Kurt looked at Riley, who likewise nodded. "So would I. Buffy knows that and she understands. She would never hold it against me."

"Never," she agreed.

Mike frowned, but supposed he understood. He'd probably save Matt before a girlfriend. If he had a girlfriend.

Kurt suspected all this talk of saving lives was more literal than figurative and, not for the first time, wondered what the hell his brother had been doing in California. It wasn't as though some small coastal town was a war zone, so what had been going on? What had these people seen and experienced?

"Whom would Xander save?" he asked.

Cordelia laughed. "Everyone. He'd save everyone. He always has."

* * *

Xander was having a much more awkward trip. He was thoroughly accustomed to being the lone male in a gaggle of girls, but this situation was just ... odd.

He wasn't that far removed from high school that he couldn't spot the dynamics currently at play here. It was fairly obvious that Quinn and Santana were rivals and, if what he suspected were true, at more than just cheerleading. It was almost like Cordy and Harmony all over again, except Quinn and Santana were too smart ever to be compared to the world's current dumbest vampire.

They were witty and sharp and ... if they both weren't female, they could have been him and Cordelia back in sophomore year. Weird.

He wasn't sure what to make of Quinn. She was beautiful and smart with a sly sense of humor, but he sensed major weirdness from her, like she was holding back a part of herself with which only he was unfamiliar. When she wasn't interrogating him about Buffy, trying to suss out whether or not she was good enough for Riley, she was subtly flirting with him. He thought, however, that she was doing it more to get a rise out her sisters and Santana than from any real interest.

Santana, conversely, couldn't have been more obvious. He was frankly appalled that she was making such an obvious play since he was one, too old for her, and, two, her _girlfriend_ was sitting right beside him. Poor Brittany looked so confused and hurt it was all he could do to stop himself from cuddling her into oblivion. He wondered if this is what it must have felt like for Cordy watching him and Willow during the height of the Fluke.

He felt like such an asshole.

Then there was Tina and Brittany. The vibe there was slightly off. He could tell how close they were and how much they loved each other, but there was an uneasiness lying between them. If he could see it and he barely knew them, it must have been apparent to their family and friends.

The craziest part was that he liked them, all of them. Still, it was a mystery to him how they were friends, if they even were.

Just when he was about to shut Santana down, Tina did it for him.

"Look, bitch," she hissed, "I'm getting sick and tired of watching you treat my sister this way. I'm so very sorry you can't accept the fact that you're a big lesbo, but this bullshit is going to stop. For years I've watched as you've used and abused Brittany, breaking up with her when it gets a little too real only to then come crawling back when you realize you will never do better than her."

Quinn turned around from the front passenger seat and stared at Tina in quiet wonder, silently urging her on.

"Up until now I've stayed out of it because I love Brittany, I respect her and know she can make her own decisions, but you're fast approaching the point where I'm going to kick your ass until hell won't take it back."

Santana scoffed. "If you think I'm scared of you ... "

"I don't need you to be scared of me," Tina snapped back. "I know I can take you in a fight. The only reason I haven't yet is because I refuse to allow some shallow piece of ass to come between me and my sister."

She snorted. "The most pathetic thing of all is that I believe you really love Brittany. You're just too scared to admit it. Instead you hurt her over and over and over again. Our father isn't even in the ground yet and you're throwing yourself at our eldest brother's best friend like a cat in heat. You have no respect and it's disgusting."

She smirked. "I've been watching you this past year, honey, and it's pretty clear that the only thing you give a shit about other than my sister is my brother. So, let me ask you, what do you think Kurt would do to you if he were in this car right now?"

Santana swallowed heavily and said nothing.

"Tina, please," Brittany whispered.

"You're better than this Brit," Tina said roughly, "and you certainly deserve more than whatever crumbs this heifer decides to throw your way." She sighed. "Things are going to change, baby. Daddy's gone and Riley's not going to keep us here."

"We're moving?"

"Kurt and Mike both think so. Riley always hated Lima and got out as soon as he could. For whatever reason, Dad loved this hellhole, but I hate it here and it's slowly killing Kurt."

Brittany bit her lip. She knew Tina was right. She knew Mike didn't like Lima any more than Tina or Kurt did. And Kurt ... she wanted to him to be happy. She _needed_ him to be happy. Because if Kurt could find happiness, maybe she could do.

But she loved Santana. She was pretty sure she did. And she thought Sanny loved her too ... most of the time. She knew Quinn and Tina didn't like Sanny. Mike was pretty indifferent. Kurt loved Santana but didn't like how Sanny treated her. Granted, Santana had been a lot better since she had become friends with Kurt. He made her calmer and more thoughtful.

He didn't make her nicer because he wasn't all that nice, at least to almost everyone else, but he did make the nice parts of her come out to play a lot more often.

"But if I move, I can't be with Sanny," Brittany whimpered.

Quinn raised a brow as she noticed Santana's hands began trembling around the steering wheel.

"You mean the female Finn?" asked a snide Tina.

Santana's mouth fell open in shock and she almost drove the car off the road.

No! She wasn't ... _no!_

Was she?

She couldn't ... she _wouldn't_ treat Brittany like Finn had Kurt! Would she?

Oh, Jesus.

She _loved_ Brittany, she _did._ She knew she had problems admitting what that made her. And, yeah, she was scared of how her family would react, of how the people at school would react. She had seen what they had done to Kurt and knew there was no way in hell she could've survived it. She just wasn't that strong. No one was fucking stronger than Kurt.

She couldn't lose both of them! She had to do _something_.

But she could do nothing because Xander suddenly starting convulsing.

* * *

Buffy and Cordelia abruptly stopped chatting with the others and slowly turned to regard one another.

"You feel it," Buffy said.

Cordelia offered a brusque nod.

"What?" Mike asked.

"Xander's in trouble," Buffy said.

"It must be ... any day," Cordelia sniped to hide her anxiety, biting her lip.

Riley was worried for his friend and annoyed he was unable to feel Xander's distress.

His phone suddenly rang and he fumbled in his jacket pocket to retrieve it. He felt rather than saw Buffy and Cordelia lean toward him.

He turned on the speakerphone. "Go."

"It's me," was Quinn's cool voice. "Something's wrong."

* * *

He absently wondered why he could see everything but himself.

Years ago he had seen so much, but no one had wanted to hear it. After a while he had just stopped talking, but kept seeing.

He had seen there was something not right about Darla that night she had been dancing with Jesse at the Bronze.

He had seen there had always been more to Cordelia than anyone, including the girl herself, knew.

He had seen that Angel's presence in their group would be just like the vampire himself: both a blessing and a curse.

He had seen that after Jenny had revealed herself, nothing would be the same.

He had seen Kendra die before Drusilla killed her.

He had seen Faith go off the rails before anyone else.

He had seen that Anya didn't need to be redeemed, merely given a chance.

He had seen that Buffy and Riley were finite.

He had seen that Willow and Tara were not. He had seen Tara before anyone else, which was why it had been so easy to accept her relationship with Willow. He had always seen Willow.

He had seen that Dawn was more than she appeared.

But he had never seen himself.

He had been the skater bro, the Slayer's minion, the Zeppo, the comic relief, the Donut Boy, and the Buttmonkey of the Universe. He had seen the roles, but never the player. He saw only the useless child of unloving parents; the betrayer of Cordelia Chase; and the one meant to clean up after those in the spotlight, knowing he was never to stand in it himself.

He had been mostly fine with all of that. He'd forced himself to be.

Now there was something else, something examining him from within, taking inventory or making some critical assessment. He expected he would be found lacking.

But this, whatever it was, saw so much more. As it explored him, he became conscious of past events, of their geneses and consequences he had never imagined.

Jesse had been meant to die, to call himself and Willow to Buffy's side.

 _His death had purpose. You were not at fault. You were forced to understand something the others were not ready to accept. You made the right decision._

It was an accident.

 _Stop lying to yourself._

Cordelia had been meant to join them to set her on her path with Angel. But there was darkness around that plan. He didn't know what it was, only that it existed. That it was unholy.

 _This was always to be your chance, but would have been perverted by a foul being which cared for nothing but its own ends. You have saved her and set right the course. Her destiny is once again her own._

Kendra had been meant to be Called ... and he was meant to have been the one to call her.

 _You twinned the line_.

Angel was meant to be sent to Hell ... by Buffy.

 _She would not have triumphed on her own. She needed the push and she needed it from you. She needed to know she could do it, that she must. The vampire has his own calling and it is not meant to be intermingled with that of the Slayer._

Kendra had been meant to die so that Faith could be Called ... and go rogue.

 _She had to become the darkness in order to choose the light._

Giles had been meant to force Anyanka to become Anya.

 _Her destiny was thwarted over a thousand years ago by one with more power. You reminded her what it is to be human and she will become the most human of you all._

Wasn't he human?

 _Yes, of course, but you are more. Others have seen this and have tried to destroy it._

Demon magnet.

 _Precisely, though not in the manner you believe it to be._

His words to Buffy on the plane were true. He was support staff and happy to be included. He didn't need to be anything more. He was fine the way he was.

 _Which is exactly why you deserve this, why you were Chosen for it._

Why now?

 _You have altered destiny once more by refusing to let Riley go_.

Any friend would have done the same.

 _Not return to his family, but leave the fight entirely. He was meant to go and continue with the Initiative, who has no place here, but now will stay to be with you. The perversion had sought to subvert Cordelia's will to enact its own, but the Seer prevented this and returned her to you, where she was always meant to be_.

That meant ...

 _The Red Witch was used. You were used. Cordelia was used._

Anger like he had never before felt.

 _Do not fight it. Accept it as part of who you are. Learn from it. Use it. Use it to protect others. What you have never understood is that there is a distinct difference between being righteous and self-righteous. You have been so afraid of being the latter you have never allowed yourself to be the former_.

Why now?

 _Because the Seer's victory, though restoring many lines of molested destiny, has consequences, Alexander, and you will be the one to pay them._

If it saved Cordelia, that's all that mattered.

 _You are noble. Perhaps stupidly so sometimes, but pure of Heart._

Yeah, he was the White Knight.

 _Angelus never knew how right he was by deeming you such, though he sensed the power within you and was frightened by it. That night in the hospital should have made this clear. What vampire of his stature backs down from a lowly mortal who stands weaponless before him?_

 _Spike sees it. Drusilla saw it. Darla saw it. The Master saw it. You never have_.

Maybe he didn't want to.

 _That has always been the problem_.

Wait ... Darla?

 _Was meant to turn you, not your friend. Something intervened. Drusilla wanted you turned a year later, but Angelus refused. It is incredibly rare for a vampire to be more powerful than the one who spawned it; the strength lessens the more the blood is diluted. He only ever managed to destroy Darla because of the soul. He knew were you to be turned, you would surpass your maker._

What the hell was going on?

 _There are many forces in this universe, Alexander, and they all conspire against and collude with one another in the name of a common goal at any given moment. You and your friends have been made victims of their whims for far too long, yet you have always rallied. However, something is coming, something horrible, and this is my chance to ensure your survival, which in turn will ensure the survival of your friends._

Why him? Why did this ... whatever it was ... care so much about him?

 _You gave me your breath, Alexander. You gave me life. I felt your Heart. It synchronized with my own, which I had long believed dead._

Realization slowly dawned and it was terrifying.

 _You know who I am, what I am, but have you ever known what you are? You are the Father of the Second Line. You are the Heart of the Slayer_.

Buffy ...

 _No! You are the Heart of the Slayer._

She showed him how she had been made. He felt her confusion and horror. He felt rage and disgust at the men who had done this to her, the men who had eventually become the Council, glutted on power that was never theirs.

 _They seek to control my daughters in the foolish belief that it makes them conquerors of destiny, but they are small men with small minds and their time is drawing to a close. I see much, Alexander, and I saw Buffy before the Call. I saw the Red Witch and what she will do. I did not see you until you were literally on top of me. When I opened my eyes, I saw truth_.

 _I cannot grant you powers, I cannot even guarantee your safety or life, but I can guide you. I can give you an honest chance to become that which I know you can be if you'll allow yourself._

What did that even mean?

 _Do you know why you're so special, Alexander? It is because no one saw you coming. Not me. Not the Council. Not the Powers. Not the First. We had all become so inured to the status quo, to this ceaseless war, that we forgot there are powers which exist outside of us. It has been a long while since one of their agents has had a place on the board. You have fought long and hard for yours. Do not surrender what you have earned._

 _You are a Twist: of fate; of destiny; of the machinations of others_.

A wild card.

 _Yes! All of your accomplishments, which you frequently do not consider or easily dismiss, are the actions of yourself alone. There is no grand plan for you, which is what makes you so valuable ... and dangerous._

He wanted to laugh. Him? Dangerous?

 _You have altered what was thought immutable. It is because of you that two Slayers now walk this earth. It is because of you that the Hellmouth was not blown apart by the scheme of simpletons with delusions of adequacy. It is because of you that humanity is not suffering the reigns of the Judge or Acathla. It is because of you, because of your love for Buffy and your friends, your love for me and humanity as a whole, that Adam was thwarted._

 _You not only defy prophecy, you ridicule it. You refuse to bow before forces which seek to control but have not the right. You respect tradition but are not defined by it. You feel everything but are not ruled by it._

So what was after him?

 _The Seer was meant to pass his power to Cordelia per the edict of the befouled. At the last possible moment, the Seer received a vision of what would have become of her so he instead gave his power to the vampire, who in turn held it for you._

The kiss.

 _The vampire was unaware of its ramifications. Perhaps if he had acted on his feelings for you all those years ago so many lines of destiny might have not have been corrupted, but it does no good to dwell on such matters._

 _You will become the new Seer. The power is already inside you, trying to take hold. You have been instinctively fighting it._

So he should stop fighting?

 _Absolutely not! It is imperative you do not surrender your will to this power. It will corrupt you if you let it. Never before has a mortal been made the Seer. Human physiology is simply incongruent to be the vessel for such metaphysical energy._

Then ... if it had been Cordelia ...

 _This was to be her future ..._

He screamed. He didn't think he'd ever stop.

* * *

The interior of the Navigator exploded with an agonizing scream that was endless and painful.

"Xander!" Buffy cried.

Riley began babbling questions and exclamations at his sister, struggling in vain to hear her responses over Buffy and Xander's screams, his heart anguished by the sounds.

Kurt gave a fleeting glance in the rearview mirror and saw Cordelia sitting rigid. Not a single emotion was betrayed by her eyes or countenance. He sensed this was an aberration. She didn't strike him as the type to suffer in silence; rather, she made others pay for her suffering.

Xander's pain had struck a chord deeply within her. She was afraid, yes, terrified even, but most of all she was offended. It was as though she simply couldn't or refused to believe he could ever come to harm.

He turned and looked at his brother and Buffy.

Who were these people?

He had no idea. That scared him.

* * *

The more he was shown, the more deeply the power embedded itself in his mind. It wanted to take him, claim him, control and use him.

 _Don't let it. What you are seeing is true; the method of delivery is a farce. Believe the visions themselves but not whence they come_.

He couldn't trust the Powers That Be? Then what use were they!

 _They maintain balance, nothing more. These Powers are not benevolent nor are they immoral. They are amoral. They have no honor, no love for those they oversee. Do not ascribe a human morality to creatures who are not human._

In the future that was to be, Cordelia had naively trusted them and they had betrayed her. She had believed in her purpose, in her Calling, but she had also believed in them. They had no such allegiance to her.

 _The Powers do not understand brotherhood or loyalty. Such concepts are alien to them. You are merely their pawns, nothing more_.

He raged at the injustice of it, aching with disappointment and fury.

 _The Greater Good is a human construct, not a universal one. You are soldiers, inexorable warriors and, when you fall, you are replaced._

* * *

" _He's having some kind of seizure!_ " Quinn bellowed. " _He's convulsing and foaming at the mouth! Riley, what do we do?_ "

Her brother immediately fell into rote, telling her to elevate Xander's head, to put something into his mouth so that he didn't bite off his tongue and choke on it. His commands were quickly followed.

" _He keeps trying to talk,_ " Quinn said. " _He keeps calling for Cordelia and Buffy, for you, Riley, and names I don't recognize._ "

"What names?" Buffy demanded.

" _Jesse. Jenny. Kendra. Faith_."

Each name flayed her alive.

Cordelia frowned. "What color are his eyes?" she whispered.

Buffy turned toward her. "What?"

"His eyes," Cordelia said, voice rough but gaining strength. "What color are they?"

Buffy stared at her in confusion, realizing the other girl knew something she herself did not. At the very least, Cordelia suspected something. Something weird. Something Hellmouthy.

She repeated the question to Quinn, shouting to be heard over Brittany's sobbing, Tina's screaming, and Santana's cursing.

" _Tina! Open his eyes and tell me ... oh, god._ "

"What?" screamed a desperate Buffy.

" _They're white. Solid white! No pupils. No irises. Pure white!_ "

Buffy swung her head toward Cordelia, who turned chalk white and closed her eyes.

" _Wait ... they're changing_."

Cordelia's eyes flew open.

* * *

He couldn't last.

 _You can. You are forever, remember? They can never hope to grasp the source of your power_.

He wasn't powerful! He never had been!

 _Because your refuse to take it! The power is within you; it always has been. Too long have you been afraid to seize it, to make it yours, scared of how it might change you. You control your fate, Alexander, not these Powers. Do not give them the satisfaction! They may have intended this gift for you, to pervert it and use you for their own ends, but you don't have to accept it. Take the power and wield it as you please._

This was too much. It was all too much. He had to return this gift. It obviously wasn't meant for him. He ruined everything he touched. He hesitated to action and wallowed in regret.

 _You have never hesitated to protect your family. Don't start now_. _They are depending on you. So much is depending on you, Alexander. That's why they're doing this. They need to remove you in order for their plans to reach fruition. This power is meant to help, yes, but only briefly. Its ultimate purpose is to remove you from the board._

So he was nothing but a chess piece. That's all this had ever been. A cosmic game of chess with people as the players.

 _You stayed on the Hellmouth to protect your Queen. The Watcher is the Bishop, adviser to the sovereign. The Red Witch is the Rook, castling the Queen. So many of your side has been sacrificed or left the game._

Jesse. Jenny. Kendra. Oz.

 _Even more was lost when your side fractured and formed a faction of its own. That is precisely what they wanted, to tear you asunder._

Cordelia. Angel. Wesley. Riley.

 _It isn't over. They want more._

Joyce. Anya. Dawn. Tara. Perhaps even Spike.

 _They have tried to turn you against each other. They will continue._

His lie to Buffy. Spike's machination on behalf of Adam.

 _They could not tolerate a group that might become as powerful as yours might be. They want no challenges or threats to their dominion.  
_

Willow ...

 _You have seen it. Her power is not her own, but she cares not. The energies of the Hellmouth are changing her and she welcomes it. For all things there must come a reckoning, Alexander._

If there was one thing he knew, one purpose to his life, it was to protect Willow.

 _Not yet. She must fall if she is to rise. You will have a part to play, but you must wait. You cannot rush events to suit your aims. You cannot protect everyone all the time. You must allow them free will ... unless you wish to become everything you fight against._

So what could he do? What was the plan? How could he protect them?

 _You will need help, but this time you must pull from your inner reserves rather than seeking a book or spell. I will assist as much as I am able, but my power is lessening. It has taken so long for me to build up enough strength to reach you, to tell you as much as I am able in the time I have left._

Was she going somewhere? Why? Why was she leaving him?

 _The Watcher knows how you can summon me, Father. When the time comes you will know and my daughters will help you._

What! He was supposed to rely on Faith for anything?

 _That is her purpose, Father. Faith is faith. As she rediscovers her own, you must find your own in her, in what she represents. There is a reason you were the first to see her. You have never given up on her, despite what you tell yourself, so don't do so now. Don't allow another to be sacrificed_.

 _You must use every weapon in your arsenal to counteract this invasion, even that which you fear the most. Remember, Father, you are in control now. Sublimation is no longer enough. You must enforce your will and exert it over those who would seek to harm you and your family._

No. No!

 _You must. You can no longer play the pawn, the lovable fool, the knight errant. You must seize control of the game and rearrange the players. You must spawn a new game, one hidden from all sides and known only to your new lieutenants. Once this transfer of power is complete, you will have reached the Queening Square and can become any piece you wish_.

Oh, so he was to be the White King, then. Was that it? The one who hid behind everyone else and waited to die?

 _You must become the White Queen, the most powerful piece on the board. If you do not, if you insist on perpetuating the delusion you are unimportant, more will fall, knocked off the board mercilessly and for no true purpose. Finally only you will stand and when you fall, the world will go tumbling after. The Powers care only for balance while the other side seeks only to win. The time for passivity and hoping for the best is over. You must bring the fight to them._

 _From beneath you it devours_.

Those words filled every cell in his body with undiluted terror.

He couldn't stand by and watch. He couldn't lose more of his family. He would never be able to live with himself. His choice was made and, with it, he began his descent into the darkest recesses of his mind, to the caverns where he had locked away his most painful truths and memories.

There dwelled Jesse and what might have been. There lived Angel, still in Hell, screaming for Xander to save him while simultaneously castigating him for sending him there. There lived his father and what the man had done to him. There lived his mother and her utter indifference. There lived the parts of him of which he was most ashamed, what he most feared.

He slowly traversed the long darkened hallway, ignoring the screams and wails and recriminations, the secret whispers that told him to take this power and bend it and everything else to his will. He stormed past his jealousies and resentments, those parts of him which insisted this was his time, that he was owed this, that it was his turn.

This wasn't about him, not really. This was about protecting what was his, the people he loved more than he had ever or could ever love himself. He might not have believed in himself, not yet, but he believed in the Primitive. He trusted her. She was as much a part of his belief system as Buffy and Willow.

How long had she been with him? Since the Enjoining Spell?

 _I first laid eyes on you in that twilight, the space between life and death, when you pulled my daughter back to the mortal realm. The harder I looked at you, the further my vision extended. I see so far, Father, but the more I look the more the future changes. When I saw what was to come, what had been planned, I vowed to stop it, but I had to bide my time and wait for an opportunity._

Angel.

 _That kiss changed everything. You released so much bitterness and pain that you stopped fighting me, for long ago you sensed my presence but sought to repress it. I knew that I must intervene before the Powers took hold of you completely._

He nodded to himself as he reached the lowest level and unlocked the first door, stunned by what emerged.

"I've been waiting."

"Why do you look like Riley?" he demanded.

"You gave me this form when you subconsciously accepted that I was not evil, that I had a purpose. That I can help."

His eyes narrowed. "I trust him that much," he said, surprised by his own admission.

"You love him that much."

"I ... I ... "

"You love him. How you choose to construe those feelings is your decision."

"Why do you want to help me?"

"I'm no longer an alien presence, Father. I've been inside you for three years. I've borne witness to your triumphs and defeats. I have come to know those you love and now I love them too. I have no wish to see them lost."

"So why didn't you come to me before?"

"I wasn't welcome." He rattled the door. "You didn't want me."

He looked away, ashamed. "You scare me."

"You have nothing to fear from me. I'm not what scares you."

Xander held out a hesitant hand which the Soldier grasped with no reluctance, merging himself into his host fully. He felt whole in a way he never had, the war inside him lessening.

Buoyed but still wary, Xander continued his trek down into the deepest pit where he had vowed never to return, the existence of which he had continued to deny up until this very moment.

Yet it had to be done if he was to keep them safe. And keeping them safe was really all that mattered.

* * *

" _His eyes are green!_ " Quinn barked. " _They're glowing!_ "

Buffy and Cordelia turned to each other and stared.

* * *

He unleashed the Hyena.


	3. Etiamnum Ignara

Santana was somehow able to block out the wall of sound in which she found herself enveloped. Brittany was crying, Tina shouting, and Quinn calmly relaying everything that was happening to her brother over the telephone.

She was absently struck by just how alike Kurt and Quinn were, at least in this instance. Oh, she had noted several eerie similarities over the years, but this one was, for whatever reason, the most glaring. In the midst of a crisis, both Kurt and Quinn had the enviable ability to detach from the melee surrounding them and focus on the crucial points, doing what must be done when no one else was able.

Finn had been similar in that circumstance. Most of the time, that boy hadn't the sense given a goose, but put him in the middle of a calamity and he turned into Scarlett O'Hara. She actually missed him. How … odd. She hadn't liked him. She hadn't liked him when she had slept with him. She hated how he had treated Brittany, even how he had treated Quinn, and most especially how he had treated Kurt … but she missed him.

He shouldn't have died.

She really wasn't in the mood for someone else to die so, even if she didn't know him, she hoped Xander Harris would be okay.

* * *

Quinn, meanwhile, had reached the same conclusion as her twin: something was very abnormal about Riley and his friends. On the one hand, she didn't find it difficult to believe they were colleagues; they functioned like a team. On the other, the idea of Buffy being his superior officer was laughable. She was at least three years younger, shorter than Quinn herself, and appeared in serious need of a sandwich.

So what was going on? Putting aside the weirdness with Xander, it was obvious they were all involved in something bizarre and certainly dangerous. How had Cordelia known to ask what color Xander's eyes were? Why would she have any reason to assume they had changed? And when Quinn had told them his eyes had changed from white to green, there had been no reaction, though their silence over the phone had screamed.

"Tina," she said softly, "call ahead to St. Rita's and let them know we're coming."

The girl nodded hastily and pulled out her phone.

"Tell them to page my mom," Santana added. "She's one of the best neurologists in the state and I've never seen or heard of a seizure like the one he just had."

Quinn turned toward her. "What are you thinking?"

"The same as you, I'd guess. Something weird is going on and I doubt we're going to get any real answers."

Quinn pursed her lips. Oh, she would be getting answers.

* * *

Kurt pulled up the emergency room doors just as Xander was being loaded on a gurney. He let Riley, Buffy, and Cordelia scramble from the truck and then veered into the nearest available parking space, Santana pulling up right beside him. He turned off the ignition and stared down at the steering wheel.

"What's happening?" Mike whispered.

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out."

Mike bit his lip. "You saw them, right? How freaked out they were? Even Riley."

Kurt nodded. "I saw."

"Something is really wrong here."

"Don't be scared, Mikey. Everything will be fine."

And that's what Mike needed to hear most, because as long as Kurt said things would be fine, then they would be. Kurt had always made everything okay for them.

Kurt patted his brother's leg and forced a small smile. "Let's go inside. Riley will need us whether he knows it or not."

* * *

Cordelia didn't understand what had happened or why, but she was annoyed. She had just lost one of her best friends and wasn't about to lose another. Why did Xander always have to be so weird?

And when had she become Buffy's crutch? The girl was clinging to her as though Cordelia's strength was the only thing keeping her upright. That was just bizarre. Still, she supposed if anything could bring them together, it was Xander or Angel being in trouble. As often as trouble befell those two blockheads, she and Buffy should have become besties years ago.

They probably would've been if Giles had let them start drinking when they were fifteen.

As they walked through the automatic doors, it was all Cordelia could do to keep Buffy standing. She was about to deliver a beautifully caustic remark about the unreliability of Slayers, but she and Buffy were kind of friends now and …

That laugh.

She had never heard it, not really, but she had imagined it over the years. Never had she believed it would be so frightening. It was loud and it was high and it was cold, a whinny that carried across the entire floor of the complex. The idea of Xander as Voldemort was terrifying.

"It wasn't like this before," Buffy whispered. "Even when it was in control, it was still Xander."

"No, it wasn't."

Buffy turned toward her sharply. "What do you know?"

"In this case? Probably more than you."

"He told you?"

"He told me everything. He always has."

"Has?"

"Did you really think we stopped talking just because I moved?"

Buffy stared. "But you said in the car … "

"I said I had to get away from him in order to forgive him, but I could never cut him out of my life completely any more than you could." She paused. "Are you okay?"

"I will be. I'll make myself okay. He needs me."

"He needs you to take care of yourself, Buffy, because this is the one time he can't do it for you."

Buffy swallowed reflexively.

"He remembers."

Her knees swung inwards and she pitched forward, inadvertently dragging Cordelia with her. "Oh, god." It took everything within her not to vomit. "Why didn't he tell me?"

Cordelia said nothing.

"Because he was ashamed," Buffy whispered in answer to her own question, "because he was scared." She looked into Cordelia's eyes. "Of me?" she whispered.

"No," Cordelia said gently, "for you. You have to know he will never forgive himself for that. Not ever."

"It wasn't him," Buffy choked out in a pained voice. "I've always known that. I've never blamed him."

"You didn't resent him? You weren't scared of him?" Her tone was perfunctory, uncurious, as though she already knew the answers.

"Not ever, because I know he would never hurt me like that. It would never even cross his mind because that's not the kind of man he is." She soured. "That stupid love spell … I made a fool out of myself and he didn't take advantage of me. He's just not capable of that."

Her eyes became haunted. "But after the spell wore off, I saw the change when he looked at me, as if he knew, as though he understood, and I realized he had been scared of me that night. He probably felt he deserved it, but that's not true. I could've stopped him if it had been necessary. I'd never want to hurt him, but I could have stopped him."

"He couldn't have stopped you."

Buffy made a strangled sound in her throat. "Thank god he didn't need to."

Cordelia pulled them both to their feet. "He's going to need you now."

"He'll need you too."

Cordelia frowned. "I just don't understand what happened. Why it happened. Xander muzzled that beast and locked it away within his mind. He's kept it under control for five years now, so why is it back? What does it want?"

Buffy was bemused. "Why are you asking questions when you already know the answer? I mean, you know, right? You knew his eyes had changed color before Quinn told us and weren't surprised when they were white. What the hell was that about, anyway?"

"Nothing good. I need to call Angel."

* * *

Buffy found herself parked next to Riley, who was staring straight ahead at nothing, eyes dull and lifeless, though hers were now wide open.

She supposed she and Xander were just destined to fall for the same guys.

She should have seen it before. The signs were all there.

Xander had always been awkward with other guys and had been with Riley as well, at least in the beginning. These past few months, however, as their relationship had grown closer and she had stopped paying attention, the awkwardness had dissipated, leaving in its wake a comfortable familiarity that was more than what existed between two good friends.

Had she any idea that Xander and Angel once had feelings for each other, she guessed she would have noticed it earlier.

She had been growing apart from Riley for months now. It wasn't that she didn't love him because she absolutely did, but they no longer felt for each other what lovers were supposed to feel. They'd stopped having sex a while ago. It was embarrassing to admit they had little in common but that. She supposed it was easier just to continue the status quo than make any abrupt changes. Xander and Anya had probably been going through something similar.

Xander would have said nothing, she knew, done nothing. He would never put his feelings above what he deemed her needs. It was as frustrating as it was flattering. Xander was the best friend she had ever had, would ever have, but he didn't need to live his life for her. She didn't want that for him. He deserved so much more, deserved better, and the only one who never saw that was Xander himself.

She placed a hand on Riley's knee. "Hey, he's going to be okay."

"I know," he warbled.

She repressed a sigh and lapsed back into her thoughts.

She wondered about so many things now, but what preyed most heavily on her mind was Jesse and would might have been had he not died. She was now fairly certain that he and Xander had been more than just friends. She would never ask, it wasn't her business until he chose to make it such, but her soul ached for his loss. Her friendship with him had been so new then and she hadn't known how to comfort him, assuming Willow would be there.

But Willow had her own grief to deal with, though she never had. Willow always ignored her problems and hoped they would go away; until they did, she removed herself from the situation and feigned happiness, faking it until she could make it.

It made her sick to realize Xander had been alone for that. Except …

She turned toward Cordelia, who was near the vending machine and whispering furiously into the phone.

Had Xander ever truly been alone?

Cordelia had always been there, though for him and not the others. Oh, her conscience, which was surprisingly highly developed and rigid, never would have allowed her merely to walk away, but she had joined for Xander. She had stayed for Xander. Even after they had broken up, she had remained for Xander.

If Xander was Buffy's lieutenant, it stood to reason Cordelia performed the same function for him. She had been his second during graduation. They had never publicized it, most likely to keep Willow from complaining, but Buffy had seen it. He had used Cordelia to reach out to all of the various cliques and she had been his willing emissary. She might have been the school bitch, but she was also a master statesman. She'd had spies everywhere and spies watching those spies. Nothing had ever happened at that school without Cordelia knowing it.

Buffy might have been the golden parachute, but Xander and Cordelia had been the buttresses of Sunnydale High. They more than anyone had been the most offended by the Hellmouth and what it represented, and it was them to whom their classmates most responded.

Her mind was suddenly inundated with various scenarios. What if Cordelia had been the Slayer? What if Xander had been the witch? Could Willow and Buffy herself have lived with the roles to which the others had been consigned, the Normals?

What if Angel had met Xander first? What if Jesse had lived? What if Kendra had survived? What if Oz had stuck around?

She knew she was being avoidant. She didn't want to consider what was happening in the farthest reaches of the emergency room. She was afraid of what would look back at her when she finally got to see him.

She was afraid to say goodbye.

She knew this was it. He wouldn't be coming back to Sunnydale with her and neither would Cordelia. They would be together, as they were always supposed to have been, in whatever form that might take, and Riley would be with them.

She didn't want to do this without Xander at her side. She didn't think she could.

Yet she knew she had to let him go or else she would end up getting him killed. If that ever happened, it wouldn't be long before she followed and she was honestly scared of what might happen to those around her. Because she would go insane.

* * *

Quinn and Kurt sat together, staring, reading each other's thoughts and carrying on entire conversations within their own minds.

They had been doing it for as long as they could remember. They knew they were close, even closer than most twins, and most people thought it was weird. They probably would have thought it a lot weirder if Kurt were straight. As it was, the incest jokes had stopped only about two years ago.

People didn't understand. They couldn't, unless they themselves were a twin. It had nothing to do with who was identical or fraternal, with gender, with intelligence, or anything else. It was about a heartbeat that had synchronized with your own before you were born. They had known each other longer than they had anyone else. They had no memories, no feelings, that didn't include one another.

It isolated them more than at just the school. The rest of the family, even their father, had, over the course of the years, resented the bond they shared. Kurt and Quinn had never meant to exclude anyone, especially not their loved ones; it was just their nature. They loved their family beyond reason but had always placed each other first. It had never been a conscious decision, but neither had they tried too hard to fight it.

Quinn knew Kurt was feeling anxious, even lost, about what they were to do now. He had been the unacknowledged head of the family for years. Their father had been the final arbiter, of course, but Kurt had always been the one to intercede on their behalf. As Kurt glanced over at Riley, Quinn knew her twin resented their elder brother as much as he loved him.

It would cause problems soon. The others wouldn't easily recognize Riley's authority because they didn't really remember him having any. They would continue to look to Kurt, Riley would get frustrated, and Kurt himself would be trapped in the middle. She didn't envy his position but neither did she know what to do about it. She knew she too would defer to Kurt before Riley and, if pressed, she would support Kurt unconditionally.

Still, she was grateful to Riley for coming, for dropping everything, his entire life, to care for them. She also thought it was about time that he did so. Kurt had been burdened unfairly for far too long. He was owed his own life.

Of course, it was also somewhat too late. Kurt had raised them and it was only another two years before she and he were off to college, leaving Riley alone for a year with the others. She wasn't sure how the triplets would deal with Riley on their own and part of her was relieved she wouldn't be there to see it.

She looked around the waiting room. She had delivered Beth in Dayton, but the room still looked the same: functional, institutional, and sterile. There were seconds, sometimes minutes, she didn't ache for her child. Most of the time, however, her mind screamed with recriminations and doubts. Had she done the right thing? She thought she had.

Puck hadn't. He still refused to speak with her and, frankly, that was a blessing. She wanted nothing to do with him. She'd been appalled he'd tried to manufacture a relationship out of a drunken one night stand. She'd been furious she'd been held to a higher standard by the school – in fact, their whole community – because of her gender. She'd been disgusted that Puck had really felt no remorse for what they had done to Finn and let her bear the burden of their shame alone.

No, Puck was in no way ready to be a father. She hadn't been ready to be a mother, either, and at least she had recognized that. Kurt had supported her, as he always did, but for the first time, she hadn't been able to determine what he truly thought about the situation. Blood was important to him. It wasn't everything; his love and fierce devotion to Tina and Mike made that clear, but it mattered.

He had made it clear that, if she wanted to keep Beth, he would have been there every step of the way. She had it believed it then and believed it now. Often it had been her only solace. Still, he hadn't said much after she had made her decision, he'd held her hand while she had signed the papers with the other, but she didn't know what he had been thinking.

Her father had wanted her to keep the baby. So had Brittany. Mike and Tina had been quiet but supportive.

It had been fifty-three days, eleven hours, thirty-one minutes and … twelve seconds since she had said goodbye to Beth forever. Or at least until Beth came looking for her. She wondered if that would ever happen, as well as what she might say when it did.

"I had a baby."

Kurt linked their pinkies together and said nothing.

Riley stared at her, stupefied. "What?"

"Two months ago, I had a baby. A girl. I gave her up for adoption."

Mike and Tina waited for the explosion.

Quinn finally looked up. She was, for whatever reason, positive that Buffy was holding Riley in place. Physically. Was that even possible?

"What did Dad say?" Riley demanded.

"He supported my decision." Eventually.

An arched brow. "And was it really your decision?"

"Yes. It was the right one."

"For you or the baby?"

Kurt released a slow, controlled breath.

"For both of us."

Riley chewed on that for a long moment, his jaws flexing. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

She was almost undone by his kindness. "No."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Don't hate me?"

"I could never hate you, baby girl," he said, sighing. "I just wish you felt you could have told me before."

"I was scared," she admitted, looking down.

"Of me?" His voice was so pained it almost broke her heart.

"Of disappointing you."

He shook his head. "Things happen in this life, Quinnie. You do the best you can with the cards you're dealt. Did you give her up for her sake or yours?"

"Hers. I wasn't ready to be a mother. I wouldn't have been a good one."

"I think you're wrong about that second part, but I respect your decision."

She turned surprised eyes on him. "You do?"

"I understand I haven't been around much, but I know you, Quinn, and I know you don't do things half-assed. You deliberate your decisions. You think about the consequences. You wouldn't have done this unless you thought it was best for your child."

Her laugh was brittle. "If I thought about consequences, this wouldn't have happened. The one time – hell, the _only_ time – I was careless and …"

"She was treated like a leper by the entire town," Kurt interrupted, face blossoming with rage. "People she didn't even know walked up to her and called her a whore to her face."

Buffy growled.

"The school ostracized her. Finn dumped her …"

"He did what!" Riley bellowed.

"He wasn't the father, Riley," Quinn whispered.

His blink was owlish and confused.

"I was drunk, vulnerable, and thoughtless."

His brow furrowed as he fidgeted. "Were you … was it your choice? Were you … oh, god …"

"I wasn't raped. It was my choice. A bad one. And one I'll have to live with for the rest of my life."

He was silent for several seconds. "The father?"

"Was Finn's best friend. He wanted to keep the baby, but not for the right reasons. It wouldn't have been fair."

"Then you did the right thing."

They all turned and looked at Cordelia, who walked toward Quinn and crouched before her, Santana trailing after her.

"You did the right thing," Cordelia repeated. "You put your child's needs first. That's the only thing that can be asked of you as a parent. You can second-guess yourself until the cows come home, but it doesn't change anything. You did what you thought was best."

Tears streaked down Quinn's face. "You can't know that."

Cordelia's eyes turned distant. "I was only a little older than you when I became pregnant."

Buffy sat up straight in her chair, eyes wide, though she remained silent.

"I didn't know what I was going to do," Cordelia quietly continued. "My parents would have disowned me. At the time, that was the most terrifying thing I could imagine." She paused. "Not that they were much use as parents. When the money went, so did they and I was on my own. But, at the time, the thought of their disappointment was more than I could bear."

"What did you do?" Quinn whispered.

Cordelia said nothing at first. "I didn't tell Xander. I should have. I knew that he loved me. I knew that he would marry me. Not because he would've felt he'd had to, but because we had talked about it. It was an eventuality, not a possibility."

Tears formed in Buffy's eyes as she sensed where this was going.

"I didn't tell him because I was scared. Not of him, but because of the pressure it would have put on him, of the pressure he would have put on himself. Xander is the strongest person I've ever known, but he's almost incapable of being strong for himself. He always put the needs of everyone else before his own. It's actually the thing I like least about him."

Kurt flinched as he felt several pairs of eyes upon him.

"His parents … there aren't words for their cruelty, for the things they did to him." She ground her teeth. "His father …"

Buffy's respiration quickened as a horrified Quinn stared at Cordelia in understanding.

"Xander could've handled it, I think, but the price would've been high. His greatest fear has always been turning into his father. It would never happen, but it preys on him and colors every decision he makes in his private life." Her tongue ran over her upper lip. "I decided I wanted my baby. I wanted it because it was made from love. And I was going to tell him."

Her eyes closed. "Then came that horrible night. Xander and Willow were kidnapped by an idiot who wanted to use Willow for something stupid. Xander was the insurance. They were locked away together. Things got out of hand quickly. Oz, Willow's boyfriend at the time, and I went to find them and we did. When we got there …"

"That's why you broke up with him," Tina said quietly.

"No," Cordelia said. "I broke up with him later because he had been lying to me about his feelings for Willow. People talk about them as if they're an institution, as though they're some unfathomable creatures known only to each other, but that's bull. I know Xander better than anyone and, when I walked into that room, I knew what was going on was not entirely his decision."

"She drugged him?" Mike gasped.

"Yes," she replied, deciding it was the simplest explanation. "They were being held in an abandoned factory that should've been torn down years ago. When I walked in on them like … that … I backed away in the other direction and fell through some rotten flooring. I was impaled on a rebar."

Quinn placed her hands over her stomach and began crying. Tears dripped down Kurt's cheeks.

"When I woke up, I was in the hospital and my baby was gone. I was a minor so my parents were told. They never spoke to me after that. A few months later, we were audited and lost all our money. That was all we ever shared as a family. My father went to prison and my mother went off in search of another rich husband. I haven't heard from either of them in over a year and don't expect I'll ever see them again."

Quinn reached down and took her hand. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks," Cordelia said stiffly, "but I'm not telling you this for sympathy. I'm telling you because I understand. I know what it is to watch a white stick turn blue and your entire life changes in a second. I know what it's like to feel the life of another run through your veins and what it means when it stops. I lost my baby, you gave yours up. The circumstances are different, but the feelings are similar."

She gripped the younger girl's hand. "You have to take the time to mourn the loss. You're not going to get over this anytime soon. You might never get over it, but you have to remember that your child is alive, is wanted, and is being cared for. You have to let that be enough."

Quinn gave a miserable nod.

"You never told Xander?" Kurt asked.

"It would have killed him. I mean that literally. His guilt at my being hurt was suffocating. Telling him about the baby would have destroyed him. That's one of the major reasons I left Sunnydale. My parents were gone. My money was gone and, with it, my so-called friends. My baby was gone.

"I couldn't look at Xander and see his pain because I had to deal with my own if I was going to survive. For that, I needed to leave. I had to wait another year until I graduated, but I did and never looked back."

"How did you get through it?" Quinn asked.

"I had help. Angel was there for me. He knew about the baby. I never told him, but … he just knew. He didn't ask questions. He let me talk when I wanted and respected my silence when I didn't. Giles, the only teacher we had worth a damn, visited me every day in the hospital. We didn't talk. He'd just read to me and hold my hand."

She paused and looked over her shoulder at Buffy. "And your mother. She knew and she helped."

Buffy stared back, lips pressed tightly together as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"I didn't tell them, Joyce or Giles. Angel did. He thought I needed parents." Her lips quirked up in a smile. "He picked good ones. Me, Xander, Willow – we all had shitty home lives of varying degrees, but Giles and Joyce have always been there for us."

She looked back at Quinn. "You're going to be okay. I can tell how strong you are." She looked around. "You have a good support system, so lean on them when you need. There's no shame in that. You don't have to be strong all the time. No one can be."

She rose to her feet, patted Quinn on the shoulder, and turned to Buffy and Riley. "I need to talk to you."

She walked away, Buffy and Riley following.

Kurt drew Quinn in his arms as the others gathered around them.

* * *

Cordelia whispered furiously to Riley and Buffy as they stood in a corner and, though Buffy listened, she heard nothing.

Everything she had known had changed.

Angel and Xander had loved each other, but had chosen her.

Xander and Cordelia had been deeply in love, a love that had created a child, and no one had ever realized it until it was far too late.

She thought back to those months after the now offensively-named Fluke and was mortified by her own behavior. She had been so disappointed in Xander, so filled with disbelief that the one person on whom she could always count had betrayed the woman he had loved.

Never had she stopped to examine Willow's culpability more thoroughly. Not once had she ever considered magic had been at work.

Why? She arguably trusted Xander more than anyone, including Willow, even Giles. Why hadn't she asked him what had happened? Why it had? Why did it never occur to her?

The obvious answer was devastating.

She may have silently sided with Cordelia, but she had never been her friend. A true friend would have gone to the hospital to see her. A true friend would have forced their way inside regardless of Cordelia's feelings on the matter. A true friend wouldn't have encouraged Willow and Oz to get back together while freezing out Xander and ignoring Cordelia and her pain altogether.

Perhaps she and Cordelia had never really been friends, certainly they had never described each other as such, but Cordelia had been Team. Cordelia had saved her life. Cordelia had saved all of their lives at one time or another. That _mattered_.

She had been so sure, so positive she knew her friends and their lives when in fact she knew almost nothing. In hindsight, it was apparent they had all been self-involved back then, as are all teenagers, but she had been selfish. She had been so consumed with railing against the unfairness of her life that she hadn't stopped to look around at the lives her friends were leading.

Xander had been the first to stand at her side. Willow had followed immediately, but the initial decision was his, even after the loss of Jesse. He was only mortal, so frighteningly mortal, but his demon kill rate was the second-largest after hers … and she was the Slayer.

He had resurrected her. It was because of him that her mother hadn't lost her child. She had been too busy blaming him for snatching away her out that she had never thanked him for what he had done. Her behavior that horrid night in the Bronze still appalled her.

Willow's contributions had been immeasurable. They would be dead if not for her. Her intelligence was incalculable and Buffy knew they had all come to take it for granted. They all had taken so much for granted where Willow was concerned. As they had matured, Willow had blossomed the most, settling in her skin and arguably becoming the most self-aware of them all.

The problem, Buffy now realized, was that made it easier for Willow to hide those aspects of herself she knew other would find distasteful.

She had known Willow was in love with Xander. She had known Willow's feelings ran far deeper than the girl had ever admitted or even acknowledged to herself. She knew that Willow often resorted to magic when frightened or anxious or unsure.

That was why it was so easy to believe what should have been glaringly obvious then.

Willow had used magic on Xander that night. She had let him take the fall for their tryst while she schemed to reunite with Oz. And she had stood in the corner and watched as Xander was ostracized and Cordelia forgotten.

She thought back to all of the cruel things Cordelia had ever said about Willow but now also remembered the equally hurtful things Willow had said about Cordelia. Buffy had always believed Willow's words were retaliatory, but she couldn't trust that now. She realized she had no idea what had initially caused their antipathy before it dawned on her.

Xander had stolen Willow's Barbie to give to Cordelia, so Cordelia would have a friend.

So innocuous, so stupid, but so telling.

Willow had known that, even when they were children, Xander had cared for Cordelia, perhaps even loved her in some fashion. Willow was also a very jealous person. She had always been jealous of the bond Buffy and Xander shared, had been very territorial when Xander first expressed feelings for Buffy, had been jealous of Kendra and then Faith. Yet she had no problems keeping her relationship with Tara a secret from her two best friends.

Did Willow truly think that Buffy and Xander didn't wish her to be happy?

She nodded blankly when Cordelia repeated something, demanding if she was paying attention.

Cordelia had lost a child. _Xander's child_.

Faith hadn't been his first. God, Buffy had been so envious of the other girl for that, for believing she had taken Xander's innocence. She had been so angry at Xander for offering it. She had been so deluded she blinded herself to the truth of what those emotions meant.

When Faith had first arrived in Sunnydale, Willow had liked her, much like Buffy herself had liked Cordelia upon their initial meeting. When did Willow first stop liking Faith?

When she found out Faith had slept with Xander. Willow was still with Oz then and Cordelia had been out of the picture for months. It shouldn't have mattered. But it did.

So what had caused the anger between Willow and Cordelia?

The Barbie.

Xander had taken it so Cordelia would have a friend. Willow forgave Xander, but not Cordelia.

Had Cordelia done anything wrong?

No.

Then why did Willow not like Cordelia?

Because Xander did.

Oh.

Buffy couldn't help but wonder where they would all be if she had accepted Xander's invitation to that dance all those years ago. She had a feeling she knew the answer.

Cordelia had been left alone in the hospital like a discarded rag while Willow reveled in Oz's forgiving embrace.

But she hadn't been alone. Angel had been there. Giles had been there. Her own mother had been there.

Angel was logical. He would have sensed the physiological changes in Cordelia's body due to the pregnancy. He wouldn't have told Xander for the same reasons Cordelia never had: it would have devastated him. Xander was already lost to him; he wouldn't have been able to cause him more pain.

Her mother also made sense. Joyce had always been close to the others, particularly Xander, but after that summer Buffy had disappeared, the bond had grown stronger. She had told Buffy that a large part of her acceptance of her daughter as the Slayer was because Xander and Cordelia had argued her case in absentia. Given their home lives, at least what Buffy now knew of them, it wasn't difficult to imagine that trust ran both ways.

Joyce loved Xander like a son, she had from the first moment Buffy had dragged him home, and had always respected Cordelia's commitment to brutal honesty. She would have kept the secret because Cordelia had been hurt enough, because Xander would have been hurt even more, but most of all because it wasn't her business to tell anyone anything.

Giles was another story. Buffy was suddenly furious with her Watcher for keeping his silence. He had not only witnessed but participated in Xander's exclusion from the group despite knowing the man he considered his son had unknowingly lost a child. Had it truly never occurred to him that Willow wasn't the wronged party?

Yes, he had gone to Cordelia's side, but how could he not have gone to Xander's? How could he have allowed Xander to be treated as he was?

And she had been blind to all of this, too wrapped up in the Mayor and Faith's betrayal and especially Angel.

Goddamn it, these people were supposed to be her friends! What kind of friend was she that she could look right into their eyes and not see how much pain they were in?

She stared up into Cordelia's eyes with new ones of her own and it was so obvious. So painfully obvious.

"What?" Cordelia asked.


End file.
